Since moving to Los Angeles, I have been waiting to feel an earthquake. Not a Northridge, but just a little shake to remind me where I live since I no longer get to experience blizzards or hurricanes.

This morning when I turned my phone on, I had a voicemail from a friend who lives two miles away. “Oh my God, did you feel that one?” she asked.

No, I didn’t. I went on the recent earthquakes website to discover there was a 2.7 magnitude in my neighborhood at 9:07:19 a.m. What was I doing that I didn’t feel that? Oh yeah, masturbating.

Oh well, maybe next time I’ll feel the earthquake.