A married-with friend was recently visiting the MaxiPad for the first time. He took me up on my beer offer and I opened my freezer to pull out a chilled pint glass. He took a picture and sent it to his wife. When I asked him why, he said, “You can tell you don’t have kids. No Eggos. No pizza. All you have are booze-related needs. That is so refreshing.”

Well, I do have bone broth, frozen blueberries, and marrow bones (for Dixie). Otherwise, I eat fresh and drink cold.

Two days later my friend texted me “Don’t quote me, but kids are cunts.” My childless girlfriend and I laughed, cheers-ed, and took another sip. Being single has its perks.