When your kid says something hilarious and sexual, who are you going to call? Today my brother felt I was the best contact.

My nephew, Dave, is days away from turning four years old. He’s a combination of a goofy frat boy and a comedian. In a sense, he’s got my genes. Tonight before bed he had his hands down his pants. When my sister-in-law spotted the self-exploration, she suggested he come over and read a book with her.

“I can’t Mommy. I have to fight with my penis. It’s too big,” he said.

That’s my boy. If you get caught with your pants down, try to have a happy ending.