She minces no words.

Dont Mince Words

Neptune, God of the sea or dirt?

Posted on August 31, 2005 by Marna

In my mailbox between the Bed, Bath & Beyond 20 percent off coupons, I sometimes get a great direct mail piece. I rarely open them up unless there’s a cleaver design I could copy for a future campaign at the office.

When I received classy invitation-stock from The Neptune Society, I felt compelled to see what was inside. Would I be saving dolphins? Is there a hospice for submariners opening up in my neighborhood?

I like the sea. How can I support it?

The Society believes it’s time for me to plan cremation in my final wishes. How the hell did they find out that I’ve had a yeast infection, gallstones, and a skin cancer freckle this year. Did someone alert them I’m turning 40 soon? Yeah, I guess they are right, it’s time for me to lock in at today’s prices. Tomorrow I may get a hang nail that kills me.

They say “cremation just makes sense” and they are right. That’s why I completed the business reply mail card with my brother’s information. He was a submariner for the Navy and has been more than six feet under. Time for an early birthday practical joke.

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  • About Marna

    Marna’s writing career started as a Pentagon intern. Early exposure to $500 toilet seat press releases made her appreciate creative nonfiction. Now she has more than 25 years of senior-level marketing and communications success working with Fortune 100 companies, government, nonprofits, small businesses, startups, and agencies.

    Stats: 377 Posts, 132 Comments

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