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With a simple apology he was back in my life The honesty overwhelmed me. I was right, he was wrong It wasn’t me, it was him. He was falling in love with me He wasn’t ready. Now he is. We picked up where we left off Starting over at the scene of the first date…
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I have a tattoo. Don’t tell my mother. I deliberated for three years. What font? What location? I enlisted several of my inked designers’ help in determining the ultimate coolness of my creation. In July 2002, I was in Key West, Florida celebrating a friend’s 40th birthday when I decided, “what the fuck.” We went…
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I retraced my steps trying to remember the exact moment I last touched my zipper. 7:30 p.m. I went to the bathroom after dinner. Prior to flush, I became mesmerized by one of the mirror-mirrors on the wall in the women’s room of Father’s Office. I guess I forgot to zip up, but I did…
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Snip snap
▶︎In the heat of passion, sometimes you don’t respond logicially to questions you’d normally respond to with a laugh or a “what the fuck.” Now that a hand isn’t down my pants, I have time to think. Since the 1960’s, the Pill has been a symbol of sexual freedom for women. Within a few percentage…
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Have you ever been on a date and you think to yourself, “something isn’t right here.” After a good night’s sleep, I’m ready to Sunday morning quarterback my Saturday night date. I made the seven-mile schlep to Hollywood in record time. Going to Hollywood on a Saturday night is a chore that has to have…
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My email inbox always has a smattering of penis improvement pills, low mortgage rate loans, Russian teen porn, and reduced priced software. Today I was presented with a new offer. The promised land is in sight (or site as the web case may be). I can now meet “real” Christian singles. “If you are tired…
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I’m growing weary of dating. I’m losing the energy and enthusiasm to do it even when there’s a remote chance I might have a good time. I had a bizarre date Monday night and it has taken me days to write about it, thus denying myself the horror of recall until now. I’m at that…
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I suppose, next to hookers, I’m one of the few people that makes dating a worthwhile endeavor. I approach it from a no-fear perspective. If a date goes well, I’m happy and I’ll have something to talk about. If a date is a train wreck, I’ll get some verbal and written rubbernecking out of the…
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I’ve had a few strangers who read my blog write to ask if I’ve had the date with TGG (that gym guy) because they wanted to read about the date results. My response was, ‘Oh, I only blog bad dates. Good guys don’t make for good nonfiction.” I’m making an exception to the rule only…
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If a man has an increased interest in his aesthetic sense, does that make him a metrosexual? If he spends a great deal of time and money on his appearance and lifestyle, is he metrosexual? Back in the old days, we called that gay. I’m not sure where the term metrosexual came from, but I’m…
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I joked with a coworker recently that my personal tagline should be “Internet dating since 1996.” In addition, in the last five years, two of my jobs have been leads I found on the internet. Not anymore. The internet used to be a good place for jobs and dates. Now it has gone to the…
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You know what I don’t have in my dating story repetoire? I don’t have a I-met-a-guy-at-the-gym story. I actually don’t know anyone who does. I mean, I look my worst at the gym: uneven rub-on tan on the exposed infrequently shaven calves, an unsupportive sport bra that mashes my boobs to mid-gut, smeared mascara, red…
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When there’s no shortage of single guys in this town, why on earth would I choose to go out with a married man? I was experiencing writer’s drought and I needed material. Sam found my profile online and contacted me. He told me I had a nice big smile and seemed intelligent. I did my…
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“Wow, you don’t look 38. Maybe 31, but not 38. I’m 30 in August, so we’ll look the same age.” The bad angel on my left shoulder said, “Congratulations. You won. Now shut up and take your clothes off.”
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Are men the reason there are lesbians? I’m beginning to believe it. Today I had one of those “what just happened here” moments where I shook my head. Did I miss something? For the first time in my life I got dumped by email – a true method for calibrating ball size. I’m realistic and…
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Bedroom dirty talk is the convergence of creativity and tolerance. I’ve been a dirty talk connoisseur for about twenty years. I have classic and timeless standards. At this point, I rarely need to add to my repertoire. The other night, I heard a new one. I would be willing to bet that most people get…
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You know, I’m so thankful that Al Gore invented the internet and that I have this blog to publicly air my successes and grievances. You know what else this blog has done for me? It’s put the fear of Goddess in every man that comes in contact with me. What’s so different about a blog?…
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I’m going to be balls-out bold and state my usual Harry Met Sally position: Ex’s are ex’s for a reason. If I wanted to be your buddy, we’d probably still be dating. Yes, I’m great, get over it. Move on with your life. Send me a Christmas card and tell me all about it. R___,…
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The first time I went to the bathroom to change my tampon, I noticed there was a window. I pulled back the curtain. The window was painted shut and there were security bars. Nope, there was no easy way of escaping this date. I’d have to hang-in there until closing time. Chris found me online…
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He was bent over the pool table when I first noticed him…a nice ad for jeans. I turned and resumed drinking my beer with Anne. We had one mission that evening and that was to get her pickled before her redeye flight out of LAX to go back east. Anne was sticking to plan when…
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I encountered an action today that was so innocent and so unfamiliar to me, that I obsessed a day about it. I went on a movie date tonight with a guy who asked, “May I put my arm around you?” What the fuck? I barely watched the movie because I was doing a lifetime of…