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Bonuses and any type of employee recognition can be tricky. I understand that. I come from the school of thought that you should make it thoughtful or make it matter… or don’t bother. After years of working in dot com, I was used to good bonuses, and I’m not talking about the frozen turkey or…
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It takes years and years to master the art of trusting your instincts. You don’t take candy from strangers and you certainly don’t take drinks from guys that look like they can get bulk discounts on GHB. On Friday, I had a job interview that was scarier than a white windowless van with no license…
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My biggest fear when I moved to Virginia in the winter was exercise. I know, I know. But in Santa Barbara and Los Angeles I did a lot of walking and hiking. To move and immediately get hit with single-digit temps was scary. Five additional pounds later and I developed a solution based on my…
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The welcome to Virginia sign was a relief after traversing Tennessee. While Virginia may be open for business, I hope Virginia also has jobs and single, emotionally evolved men over the age of consent. Dixie and I travelled 2900 miles and everyone was right – as long as she was with me, she was fine. …
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With a good night’s rest, Dixie and I set out to see The King first thing in the morning. We were there early enough to get lots of dog humilating pictures in before the old folks came for their 10 a.m. tours. The mansion is preserved to its 1970’s glory – lots of shag and…
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Thirty years ago today I started the best job of my life. Several months before the end of high school, my parents convinced me that I should enter a lottery to get a summer government job. They both had served and felt it would be a great way for me to lock into a good,…
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I completed my graduate degree at night while working a full-time job during the day. When I finished, I didn’t read for a year. No books, no newspapers, no magazines. I was so burnt out from school, it was my way to detox and feel in control of my free time. Since then, I’ve taken…
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Nothing makes me happier than nachos and beer except being in a large city in a different country and STILL being thankful I’m not having sex. On the way back from a bookstore (because that’s where single, middle-aged ladies go after work on business trips), I stopped by a brew pub to abuse my per…
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Blow hard
▶︎I woke and treated SB Man’s body like a jungle gym to the point where I knew I didn’t have to go to 24 Hour Fitness. And, honestly, sex is a much better way to get the heart rate up, right? Little did I know, a couple hours later my 50-inch Munch “The Scream” blow-up…
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You know you are leaving Los Angeles when you can comfortably throw out your Thomas Guide, the non-GPS bible to getting around. I knew I was leaving when the fire trucks arrived. Your layoff lady of leisure is discontinuing her 61-week underemployment lifestyle. My nationwide job search finds me relocating to Santa Barbara, California for…
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I wish I could say it’s hard to believe I’ve been out of work exactly a year today, but it’s true. I mentally assumed, based on the economy, my age, and my salary expectations, that my job search would be long. That’s why I immediately dubbed myself the “Layoff Lady of Leisure.” My new “job”…
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I’ve said it before. Interviewing for a job is just like dating. Do you have the same interests? Do you like women? Is there long-term potential? The downside to interviewing is you can’t give a fake name or sneak out the back door when you see you’ve made a bad decision. I had a funny…
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In the mail on Monday, I received one of those friendly reminders from the local Honda dealership telling me that it was probably time to change oil. I realized I didn’t come close to hitting their high mileage estimate. I have become the little old lady of West Hollywood. Being laid off, there are days…
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The Betty Ford Center will soon open a wing in my honor – for those suffering from unromantic Valentine’s Day addiction. My bender began in 1974. Mrs. Kessenger, my third grade teacher, engineered a project to get our class excited about Valentine’s Day. Or was it just her way of getting rid of the red…
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This is probably just me. My little problem, you know, because I was born before 1980. But when a help wanted/job ad says “profitable online startup,” that is not a positive selling point to me. It’s about as appealing as a partner telling me their Valtrex copay is only $5.
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With my focus on my career, I’m sure you were worried that I’d never write about guys or dates again. Not to worry, this is Los Angeles, so there’s always going to be a story. I just haven’t had the time to write this one. Houston (let’s call him that instead of nutless) and I…
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I love my friends and my network that alert me to jobs I might not normally find through my channels. A writer girlfriend emailed me about a Twitter post she was following. “They are going to announce a job,” she said. I immediately signed on and followed the Twit to find out what was going…
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This is going to be my last unemployment summary because not much changes from week-to-week. I meet unemployed friends for drinks, I make calls, I send resumes, and I have interviews. One thing that was reinforced this week was how much interviews are like dates. And selecting a job is like choosing a husband –…
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As I continue to network and build my LinkedIn empire, there is an undercurrent of panic. I know I have about 45 days to find a job before everything stalls until 1Q10. I had four dates with my Outtie friends this week. Three of them aren’t even looking. They are enjoying their sabbatical away from…
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OK, where has the time gone? It has really been a month since I’ve lost my job? Really. If I were to describe this week I’d have to say “socially bananas.” It was Labor Day week, so there were a few cookouts. In between all that, the boyfriend decided to infuse some music in my…
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I have to get a job soon, if only to rest. My availability is creating severe social distractions while my tan fades. My week started out of town. The boyfriend took Tex and I to Vegas and then up to UT to check on a condo he’s trying to sell. My excitement was centered around…
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I don’t envy phone customer service reps in any business. It is a thankless job. But it has to be especially painful if you are working the phones for the Employment Development Department for the State of California. My claim form hasn’t arrived, so another Outtie friend supplied me with a way to bypass the…
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Since my first week of unemployment was unseasonably cloudy, I gave myself permission to extend my slackness into a second week. I was on a mission to be less white as well as to socialize with my other out of work friends (outties). I was very excited on Monday when it was hot and sunny,…
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It is fun to watch the expression on people’s faces when I tell them that every career move I have made, with the exception of a move to Richmond, Va. for grad school and my California move, has been a result of a layoff or to avoid one. Confusion and concern are dominant reactions. Like…
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I won $100 for one quarter in the office Super Bowl pool. I realize this is random and requires no knowledge of football, but it’s exciting to me all the same. The last time I won something was at the state fair. The guy guessed my weight wrong and I got a stuffed animal. I…
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I’ve always felt there’s a profession more deviant and despicable than used car salesman or insurance underwriter. That would be the “human resource” career track. Throughout my 20+ year career, they have been referred to as inhumane and no-resource. This week I received a call from a lovely human resource woman. She was screening me…
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Ana and I were in the air, on our way to a photo shoot in Denver, when I told her I wanted to conduct an experiment. “I hear when you leave LA, guys pay attention to you. Let’s see if that’s true,” I said. Little did I know I wouldn’t have the energy to get…
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There are seven words that every writer hates hearing. “When are you going to be published?” My day job continues to get in the way of my professional development. I received an email this weekend from a friend who periodically checks in. The last time I heard from him he was laughing and threatening to…
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I’ll let you take a 70 percent pay cut, train you to kill, then let you come home to possibly be court-martialed. How’s that sound? I relocated to New York during the Silicon Alley boom to work with Ilario Pantano, a tall, good-looking NYU grad. The independent film company, Shooting Gallery, was starting up an…
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Where there is porn, there is profit. Except in my case. Today I received my last paycheck for my bi-weekly men’s column. As a dot-com survivor, I knew it would happen. When I asked the editor/owner of the site what his revenue model was prior to signing my contract, he responded, “well, we just started…
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After reading my blog, an editor of an online website targeting boys-to-men (the beloved 18 – 34 year old demographic) offered me a columnist job. I will be dispensing my relationship and dating stories biweekly. Little old me — shaping young minds, one penis at a time. The site has the editorial flavor of Maxim…
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LWH: BUNGER M a r n a: i got sumting pour vous, www.dontmincewords.com M a r n a: ta-dah LWH: hang on LWH: looove the photo LWH: you need a gleam sparkle thingy on your teeth LWH: i want to take the time to update myself on your blog. its fascinating LWH: but i’ll read…
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My “Warning: Dating may induce vomiting” piece has been accepted in a collection of stories entitled “Sleeping With Snakes: Notes From The Los Angeles Underbelly.” Publishing date TBA. Who says bad dates don’t pay? Does this mean I can start writing off condoms and perfume on my taxes?
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I’ve lived in Los Angeles almost a year now. It was bound to happen at some point, but I’m just happy the weather makes me near-comotose and nonreactionary. I had an interview for a consulting gig today. After going over my professional history and accomplishments, the interview closed with the following: “I just have to…
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I would personally like to thank Home Depot for bringing me good luck, temporarily. On Monday I decided the job market did, indeed suck ass and I needed to get some form of a job to get by for a few more months while I waited for my networking to pan out. I waffled between…
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Last week, on three different occasions, women of various socioeconomic backgrounds made reference to me to the fact that our trailblazing sisters of the 60’s have made us current-day women doubt how much actual progress we’ve made. I immediately started thinking about my mother’s ‘kept woman’ reference (see 9/23/03 post). Since I’ve had a career…
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When you are unemployed, sometimes you think about employment opportunities that, under normal circumstances, you’d never consider in a million years. Let’s take egg donation for instance. I still cower in fear every time my mother yells, “Whatever you do, don’t get pregnant.” I’m 37 and it hasn’t happened yet. Perhaps I should turn over…
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Yesterday I discovered a new low in the definition of rejection. How can someone turn you down for volunteering? I’m sorry, we don’t need your do-goodin’, free help kind here. I could understand if they did a background check and discovered I molest kids or highjack corporate software. But I like kids and have all…