Don't Mince Words

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Wine is my shepherd; I shall want. 0

Posted on June 02, 2015 by Marna

sushiIt takes years and years to master the art of trusting your instincts. You don’t take candy from strangers and you certainly don’t take drinks from guys that look like they can get bulk discounts on GHB.

On Friday, I had a job interview that was scarier than a white windowless van with no license plates. I had heard tales. I’d read the GlassDoor reviews. But I needed a reason to get out of my yoga pants and put mascara on.

When I walked into the lobby, I immediately had AIG survivor flashbacks without the Wall Street tinge. Leather sofa and chairs with brass rivots and buttons. Traditional Queen Anne tables. I could smell the middle-aged white guys. They were here.

After I checked in, I sat in the old leather to discover the only reading material in this oh-so-corporate lobby was Jesus lit. There were no trade publications, Wall Street Journal, local newspapers, or even a People freaking magazine. The Jesus lit was on the coffee table, fanned out. It was on the side tables. It was on every horizontal surface I could see. This was the June issue with daily lessons “to help you connect with God every day.”

I don’t have any issue with faith-based organizations or corporations that choose God as one of their core values. Own it like Chick fil-A and Hobby Lobby and let the consumer decide. While I am a lapsed Lutheran, I’ve been a big city girl for too long and crave diversity in the workplace.

My interview hadn’t started and I already had “material” with more on the way. I asked my would-be boss, who has been there 17 years, a standard marketing question.

“I know your competition varies from region-to-region but what would you say is your unique selling proposition in this crowded marketplace?”

Without hesitating, she answered “We are the largest, private, family-owned XX in the nation.”

That’s no reason to believe or buy for the marketing bible told me so.

Rather than take a Silkwood shower after my 2.5 hour experience, I took communion in the form of moonshine. It seemed like the proper thing to do. Then I called friends and asked “have you ever….”  I received a chorus of OMGs and NEVER with a resounding “you can’t work there.”

When you trust your instincts, it’s easy to walk away.

Round and round 1

Posted on February 10, 2014 by Marna

bigwineMy biggest fear when I moved to Virginia in the winter was exercise.  I know, I know. But in Santa Barbara and Los Angeles I did a lot of walking and hiking. To move and immediately get hit with single-digit temps was scary.

Five additional pounds later and I developed a solution based on my age and physical capabilities. Your Layoff Lady of Leisure / Heiress bought an elliptical trainer. I created a home gym in my second bedroom. I hate going to gyms and this is the only piece of equipment I’ve always loved. In a week, my FitBit tells me I’ve gone 45 miles and shed 2.5 pounds. I credit new sneakers and a reduction in my Cougar Town-sized glasses of wine (except when it snows).

I’m not sure what you are supposed to do when you inherit money, but I know my mom, who has told me to lose weight my whole life, would have approved of this purchase. Giving up excesss volumes of wine? She’d question that.

Driving Miss Dixie – Welcome to VA 0

Posted on December 12, 2013 by Marna

vasignThe welcome to Virginia sign was a relief after traversing Tennessee.  While Virginia may be open for business, I hope Virginia also has jobs and single, emotionally evolved men over the age of consent.

Dixie and I travelled 2900 miles and everyone was right – as long as she was with me, she was fine.  She looked forward to hotel rooms.  In fact, in our last one, we had to get two queens instead of a king and she ran in and jumped from one bed to another like a four-year old.  Most of the time her dinner was served in the back seat at a rest area.  She didn’t care.  The car was home base and it was on the move.

I’m thankful I had warm weather for our trip.  The same areas we passed through now have ice and snow.  It was a journey I’ll never forget.  I’d like to thank my friends for digitally cheering me on and others for calling to ensure I was safe.  We did fine and now I know – Dixie is a traveller and I was a long-haul trucker in a another life.  Would I do it again?  No, driving long distance through three time zones is not romantic.

dixieWCOnce I got to my friend’s house in Richmond, she told me her dog had fleas.  I figured that out about three hours after my arrival when Dixie was rubbing her muzzle on the bed.  That evening I couldn’t sleep because Dixie was groaning and shaking her bed with the scratching.  I could feel the critters on me and running in my hair.  The next day, bombing and dipping occurred but there were still die hards around.  By Monday I was at the vet and discovered Dixie is allergic to fleas and the vet stated that the house had a severe infestation that was probably present since the summer.  A professional extermination was necessary.  Between that and an un-housebroken Yorkie,  I went home, gave my roommate notice and moved out two days later.

After 17 loads of de-flea laundry, dry cleaning, pills, baths, and sprays, I am now home.  Dixie and I are pest-free and happy.  NOW I’m open for business.

  • About Marna

    Marna’s writing career started as a Pentagon intern. Early exposure to $500 toilet seat press releases made her appreciate creative nonfiction. Now she has more than 25 years of senior-level marketing and communications success working with Fortune 100 companies, government, nonprofits, small businesses, startups, and agencies.

    Stats: 369 Posts, 128 Comments

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