Dont Mince Words

Archive for the ‘Dating’

Ghost and hey boo 0

Posted on May 20, 2017 by Marna

You would think, at a certain age, men and women would figure out dating.

When Andy said he wanted to be exclusive, but his actions said otherwise, I didn’t hear from him and he never heard from me. Mutual ghosting. However, this is Richmond and the pool is small, so I figured he would circle back around.

He contacted me two months later through OKCupid inbox and asked if I’d like to go out. I told him I didn’t think, based on his actions, he was looking for a monogamous relationship which countered what he told me he wanted.

“I NEVER said I wanted to be exclusive,” he said.

“You did, actually, on Valentine’s Day. We had a pretty in-depth conversation about life and STDs. We don’t appear to want the same things now, so I wish you the best in your search,” I told him.

Was that the end of Andy?  No. Another two month cycle elapsed and he contacted me with a new screen name.

“Hey, you want to hook up?” he asked.

While no means no, when are 50 year old men going to realize that if I wanted a hookup, it would be with a hot, buff 30-something with a cougar complex.


Your one and only…not so much 0

Posted on March 20, 2017 by Marna

Andy and I never seemed to be able to connect. In the Fall, we met on Bumble then I guess we got distracted by the holidays. He resurfaced right after my birthday in January.

We hit it off on the phone and met for a drink. He seemed like a perfectly decent Mr. Right Now with growth potential. We were on date three or four when he asked me if I’d like to be exclusive. “I’m not interested in dating multiple people. It’s exhausting,” he admitted.

Great. Me either. So we had our dates. We talked about weekends away. We did couples shit.

Until. . .

Richmond is a small town. When you narrow it down to age-appropriate men, divorced, no kids in the house, educated, and tall, it’s a one-horse town. So, when I go out with someone, I always check in with my divorced girlfriend who also online dates to do an asshole check and to also ensure we don’t cross-pollinate. When I started dating Andy, I texted her with his online handle. She didn’t know him.

Imagine my surprise, a month into the relationship, when my girlfriend texted me to let me know TennisGuy423 was chatting her up. “What do you want me to do?” she asked. “Tell him Marna is home from CrossFit and he should call her.”

He immediately left the chat and, as you would imagine, I never heard from Andy again. I’m not sure what his operational definition of “exclusive” is. I’m just thankful I have good friends. The dating pool just got one man smaller, if you can call that a “man.”


Duck, duck, go away 0

Posted on December 02, 2016 by Marna

duckI made a hasty decision agreeing to meet John. We’d talked on the phone once and texted for a day, but he was eager and I was bored. I knew I was in trouble when, four hours before before meeting, he asked me how I felt about shorts. “I usually don’t make the switch until after the New Year,” he confessed. This is Virginia and we’ve already had 20-something degree days. While I wanted to tell him to put his big boy pants on, I told him to be comfortable.

An hour before meeting he texted me that he had just gotten home and was jumping in the shower. He had one clean, ironed shirt that he couldn’t wait to show me. At this point, I was in it for the cider and chanted an old New York girlfriend’s manta, “A girl’s gotta drink.”

He was standing in the cider tasting room and he was easy to spot because he was the only 50-something in shorts amongst the 20-something cool kids. “Tah-dah. What do you think? I got the shirt at Fan Thrift,” he boasted. He had on a bright green/chartruse-colored Ralph Lauren button down on with a blue horse on his nipple. Cargo shorts are never a good look on anyone, especially when the pockets are loaded. But the outfit was truly complete with old LLBean duck boats. This was a preppy flashback like I’d never seen. My response was unfiltered, “The 80’s called and they want it all back.” That made the bartender choke on whatever he was drinking.

We sat with our sampler platter and I feigned interest for an hour. After he confessed he had been separated since 2009 and couldn’t get divorced for “tax purposes,” he asked me if I’d like to go to a nude beach. I smiled and said no, naked middled aged people are not my thing. He then asked me to take him shopping. “I know I can do better,” he said. I declined that invitation and suggested he purchase a pair of jeans and up-to-date mock turtlenecks for the winter.  Better yet, maybe his wife can take him shopping.



  • About Marna

    Marna’s writing career started as a Pentagon intern. Early exposure to $500 toilet seat press releases made her appreciate creative nonfiction. Now she has more than 25 years of senior-level marketing and communications success working with Fortune 100 companies, government, nonprofits, small businesses, startups, and agencies.

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