-
I realize for most parents, one of their early happiest days are when their kid can wipe their own ass and make a meal. For me, it’s the two- to three-year old age bracket when they’ll repeat a cuss word unexpectedly. I laugh, the parents cringe. Today I was in Petco with Tex, my only…
-
Support online shopping and struggling Los Angeles writers by purchasing Sleeping with snakes: Notes from the Los Angeles underbelly. Give the gift of Marna. My short story, “Talking Dirty,” appears alongside other fabulous authors observing life in Los Angeles. Charles Bukowski, the granddaddy of dirty talk, is also included in the collection. Also available on…
-
This is probably just me. My little problem, you know, because I was born before 1980. But when a help wanted/job ad says “profitable online startup,” that is not a positive selling point to me. It’s about as appealing as a partner telling me their Valtrex copay is only $5.
-
I had another one of those “oh fuck I do live in California” moments this week when I realized that 72 percent of my Thanksgiving guests were vegetarian or vegan. It really called into question if I had to buy a turkey or if I could get away with making turkey burgers. I haven’t made…
-
In my continuing effort to live a healthy, unemployed lifestyle, I decided now would be a good time to try one of those eight-week, Runner’s World couch-to-marathon training programs. I started week two today and I think I’m going to flunk myself and repeat week one. I knew this was going to be a harder…
-
With my focus on my career, I’m sure you were worried that I’d never write about guys or dates again. Not to worry, this is Los Angeles, so there’s always going to be a story. I just haven’t had the time to write this one. Houston (let’s call him that instead of nutless) and I…
-
I love my friends and my network that alert me to jobs I might not normally find through my channels. A writer girlfriend emailed me about a Twitter post she was following. “They are going to announce a job,” she said. I immediately signed on and followed the Twit to find out what was going…
-
Moe town fun
▶︎An old friend was in town with her 20 year-old daughter for the weekend. We were all over the place doing the usual touristy-type stuff. When they were getting ready to leave to go home, the daughter said, “Is every guy in LA gay?” “Can you tell how hard it must be for me to…
-
This is going to be my last unemployment summary because not much changes from week-to-week. I meet unemployed friends for drinks, I make calls, I send resumes, and I have interviews. One thing that was reinforced this week was how much interviews are like dates. And selecting a job is like choosing a husband –…
-
I didn’t realize it, but apparently gay Target in West Hollywood can be a pickup joint. Instead of winking at me over the salad sneeze guard, he caught me in the facial care aisle while I was thinking about squeezing zits. I’m not sure if it is stress or the desire to be a teenager…
-
As I continue to network and build my LinkedIn empire, there is an undercurrent of panic. I know I have about 45 days to find a job before everything stalls until 1Q10. I had four dates with my Outtie friends this week. Three of them aren’t even looking. They are enjoying their sabbatical away from…
-
OK, where has the time gone? It has really been a month since I’ve lost my job? Really. If I were to describe this week I’d have to say “socially bananas.” It was Labor Day week, so there were a few cookouts. In between all that, the boyfriend decided to infuse some music in my…
-
I have to get a job soon, if only to rest. My availability is creating severe social distractions while my tan fades. My week started out of town. The boyfriend took Tex and I to Vegas and then up to UT to check on a condo he’s trying to sell. My excitement was centered around…
-
I don’t envy phone customer service reps in any business. It is a thankless job. But it has to be especially painful if you are working the phones for the Employment Development Department for the State of California. My claim form hasn’t arrived, so another Outtie friend supplied me with a way to bypass the…
-
Since my first week of unemployment was unseasonably cloudy, I gave myself permission to extend my slackness into a second week. I was on a mission to be less white as well as to socialize with my other out of work friends (outties). I was very excited on Monday when it was hot and sunny,…
-
It is fun to watch the expression on people’s faces when I tell them that every career move I have made, with the exception of a move to Richmond, Va. for grad school and my California move, has been a result of a layoff or to avoid one. Confusion and concern are dominant reactions. Like…
-
Misery loves
▶︎I know I’ve spent the past six years bemoaning the labor of dating in Los Angeles. I’ve felt like I’ve been one part relationship anthropologist, one part therapist, and an off-and-on investigative journalist. But I know my observations and experiences aren’t far-fetched because I run into men and women everywhere that have similar stories. I…
-
I’ve revised the Kubler-Ross grief cycle to consider the emotional states of dating in Los Angeles. Shock stage – initial paralysis after a few bad first dates and remembering someone telling you you’d have to “import” your men if you lived in Los Angeles. Denial stage – continuing to date because you can’t believe it…
-
At my age, not a lot of new stuff happens to me. Admittedly, a lot of bizarre things occur when I go on dates in LA, but that falls into the bad date bucket. This weekend I had two unusual events happen to me. The last time I wore a bikini, my age was a…
-
Tex and I were strolling back from our walk to the coffee shop on Melrose. We were in the home stretch, the last block, where Tex always lags behind. He’s not slow because he’s sniffing everything. He’s just old and tired. His hips try to keep up with his mind, but often fail him. Half-way…
-
Los Angeles is full of creative people, so it was only a matter of time before I’d have a date with a musician. Who knew it would be a doubleheader. I’ve dated musicians before, but they’ve had day jobs which puts them in the frustrated artist category. These guys were “real” musicians. Friday night was…
-
A close girlfriend got out of a 2.5 year fakelationship and nearly immediately got back to the online dating business with some mildly successful results. I found her get-back-on-the-horse determination inspiring enough to return to the game also. My out-of-the-gate experience left a friend in New York saying, “can you move to San Francisco? Even…
-
O Henry
▶︎Before the internet and widespread MTV adoption, college radio was what we relied on to hear new and different music. It is what prompted me to DJ at my college and at the all-boys school seven miles down the road. It’s also when I started my 25 year long-distance relationship/obsession with Henry Rollins. My shows…
-
In prayers
▶︎I’m going to pitch a new TV show to the networks. “Are you better at Wii than a 7 year-old” will feature gaming unsaavy adults playing Wii against their younger relatives. I discovered during Easter, in my attempt to be hip with the nephews, I need to upgrade my Ms. Pacman-era gaming skills. While everyone…
-
I think everyone has a love/hate relationship with New York. I have had three visits since leaving because I miss it so much, but need to stay away long enough to remember why I left six years ago. It’s getting harder to remember why. Within 30 minutes of getting out of JFK, my incense-burning cab…
-
This old dog
▶︎It’s official. Tex is my longest running relationship since arriving in LA. He’s emotionally available, he’s big, he doesn’t flake on me, and me makes me smile every day. We’ve been together a little more than a year and April Fool’s Day is his designated 11th birthday since it’s easy to remember and it reminds…
-
As the grumpy old lady of the internet, I have said I don’t have time for anything unless it is going to get me a job or get me laid. While Facebook has not yielded those results for me yet, it has lived up to the “social” part of marketing. When I posted my status…
-
I know this isn’t an LA-specific phenomenon, so I can’t blame it on California, but why do old, retired people insist on doing their errands on my time? I realize they are the greatest generation, but what the fuck. Do they really need to be in the post office line at 8 a.m. with me…
-
Since I’ve been dating GC for a while, I haven’t been able to say my favorite four-lettered word, N-E-X-T. However, that hasn’t stopped my girlfriends from calling to seek advice or validation from me. Linda called me yesterday laughing about Fire Marshall Bill troubles. It seems he has been playing the field and one of…
-
I won $100 for one quarter in the office Super Bowl pool. I realize this is random and requires no knowledge of football, but it’s exciting to me all the same. The last time I won something was at the state fair. The guy guessed my weight wrong and I got a stuffed animal. I…
-
Yesterday was my birthday. No big deal and usually a nonevent for me, but when other people need an excuse to celebrate, I’m game. I mean, if there’s chocolate or beer involved, how horrible could it be. GC took me to dinner at a swank place last night. As he held my hand and looked…
-
Most people’s soundtrack for sex is that porny bern-chica-bern-bern. Not me. When I think of sex, I hear the theme of The Rockford Files. Television was a big deal for kids growing up in the ‘70s. One of the biggest days in our household was the arrival of a second black and white TV for…
-
My brother and I had bad allergies as kids. As a result, we easily took naps. No complaints. In my adult life, I’ve continued my love of sleep, but now it borders on “you know you are getting old when….” When GC asked me if I had plans for New Years, I laughed. I mean,…