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If you had warned me a month after escaping California I’d be identifying my mother’s body in a funeral home, I would of laughed. Life and timing are funny things. Decades after my birth my mother continued to try to direct my life long-distance with a cocktail in her hand. After I arrived in California,…
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I’m embarrassed to admit my first date of the year was in December, but after living in Santa Barbara it’s easy to give up on dating. As a distraction from the fleas I was dealing with, I agreed to meet Mike for lunch. When he suggested Ruby Tuesday’s, I knew I was going to get…
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The welcome to Virginia sign was a relief after traversing Tennessee. While Virginia may be open for business, I hope Virginia also has jobs and single, emotionally evolved men over the age of consent. Dixie and I travelled 2900 miles and everyone was right – as long as she was with me, she was fine. …
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With a good night’s rest, Dixie and I set out to see The King first thing in the morning. We were there early enough to get lots of dog humilating pictures in before the old folks came for their 10 a.m. tours. The mansion is preserved to its 1970’s glory – lots of shag and…
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Today was our power-through day – 585 miles – and it was probably good timing because Dixie is “getting” that we aren’t going home and we live in the car. I had every intention to stop at the Oklahoma City bombing memorial but we kept going. We lost major time east of OKC where I…
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I know driving across country sounds romantic and fun. It’s not. It may be fun if you are 21, limber, and have a big bag of weed and a co-driver to ward off the boredom. Otherwise, no. Case in point: New Mexico and Texas. If you ever have trouble sleeping, take I-40 east of Albuqueque….
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While the drive to Blythe Wednesday was awful, it was still a smart decision instead of driving straight to Phoenix on Thanksgiving. Dixie and I logged 157 miles and intended to eat and keep going. But I got talked out of driving to 6000′ at night. So, I drank more wine, ate turkey while Dixie…
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It’s been a long time since I’ve elected to travel by car on Thanksgiving Wednesday. My desire to leave Santa Barbara was greater than the pain I knew I would endure. Or so I thought. Dixie and I decided to make it to the border town of Blythe, CA. You know you are in a…
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The same day Kelly MacLean’s Surviving Whole Foods satire went viral, I found myself at Whole Foods enjoying a similar experience. My basket was light by design. I can’t afford the place, but I dabble in organic and raw and they do have great fresh fish. I got raw organic almonds because I make my…
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When you put your children in the hands of others so you can go to work, you have to trust caretakers will do the right thing. The same is true when you pay a dog walker to give your 70-pound dog a mid-day stroll. Today I realized I never taught Dixie the “kill the hipster…
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I’ve lived in California for 10 years and I’m still not sure I’m used to it. But like others, I’m numb, and without seasons I never know how fast time is passing. California is everything everyone told me it would be. “It will be hard to meet good people.” I wouldn’t say good, but genuine. …
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When my nephew, Sam, was two he came to stay with me in Brooklyn for a week. He liked going to happy hours and museums so much, he came back in 2002. Unfortunately, his younger brother, Dave, never made it because I moved to California and the soul brothers moved to Denmark and then China. …
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Thirty years ago today I started the best job of my life. Several months before the end of high school, my parents convinced me that I should enter a lottery to get a summer government job. They both had served and felt it would be a great way for me to lock into a good,…
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I had a date Saturday at 3:30 p.m. at Olive Garden. He called ahead and asked if there was a corkage fee. I took his bottle home with me instead. You can write the end of this story. I make bad decisions when people pressure me for new dating material.
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I willingly admit that most women are batshit crazy, men are assholes, and collectively, dating is hard at any age, anywhere. But I’m telling you, the men outdo themselves in California (legalized marijuana?). I used to think I was just perimenapausal and I was losing interest in men, but the truth is, each interaction I…
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Today was the 40th anniversary of the landmark Roe v. Wade decision and my first date of the new year. Two days from now, I become a less-remarkable 47 year old. The one constant in my life is the light in my car is the best for tweezing unwanted hairs. Nutty week, right? First natural…