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If anyone has learned anything in the year+ I’ve lived in Santa Barbara, it’s that I’ve barely dated or done anything blog-worthy. So, in December when I was feeling generous, I loosened up my age requirements and let the 65 year-olds take a stab at the Marn. As my Aunt says, “hello Daddy,” she also…
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I had a date Saturday night who accessorized. I don’t mean in the belt, cuff links, and shoes kind of way either. He wore a turquoise bead choker necklace that kind of looked like those candy necklaces I’d get as a kid, except the “candy” was blue. But that’s not all. There’s more. He doubled…
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I was already thinking of my dad this week. It would of been his 90th birthday. But when I had a tire blow out, the memories flowed more. A year before I could get my learner’s permit, my dad would take me to the Montgomery Wards parking lot to practice driving. It gave him an…
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I’ve had dead dog ashes for a while. When I look at memorials online, they are too stodgy and don’t fit the personality of Kramer or Tex. My idea has always been a small picture frame with a little test tube of ashes glued on. Much better than a small pine box with dates on…
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This morning, I was in front of Camp Canine waiting for an attendant to take Dixie when an elderly black man strolled by with a very tricked-out shopping cart. “Excuse me goddess,” he said. I turned and looked at him, the dog, then back to him. “Could you tell me what time it is?” I…
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Everyone knows that layoffs do not count as vacations, so imagine my delight when I decided to take my first week off since 2006 and go on a cruise to Cabo. After a year of long hours, my office was cheering me on, handing me condoms, and hoping I would get drunk and laid. The…
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Tonight I had a date with a PhD-holding Angeleno who was in town for interivews. It was an exciting time because I haven’t had a date with a smart person my age in a very, very long time. As expected, the conversation flowed. The beer didn’t. He requested that we meet at a pub, so…
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I know I’ve threatened, after sampling the lack-luster Santa Barbara dating pool, to go back to Los Angeles to date. I finally did and I can safely say I’m so happy I adopted a dog for companionship. My new target market is old guys – or men who have kids that are off to college…
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I promise I won’t turn into a mommy blogger or a new mom who thinks she’s got the best baby on earth. But until I date again, all I can do is sing the praises of my new rescue dog. Dixie showed up as a stray at a SoCal shelter with pink toenail polish on. …
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The other day I was searching on OKCupid. There were six men between the ages of 37 and 60 that were my height or taller, held master’s degrees, and lived within 50 miles of me. I’m serious. Six men. I decided I had better luck at finding love on Petfinder and adopted a three-year…
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Since Planned Parenthood funding was in the news first quarter, I decided to do my part to support them and have my gyn exam. Or, as I like to call it, the annual dusting of the cob webs. I rode my bike there hoping to look “young” and “in trouble” to the ugly white guy…
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When Tina Fey got the head writer job at Saturday Night Live, I actually emailed a few friends with my excitement. Comedy is a male world. I was proud her writing was recognized and she broke through the sperm wall. Her career continues to evolve with 30 Rock, movies, and now her new book, Bossypants….
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When I was growing up, dangerous behavior was having unprotected sex. Now it’s going on an Internet date without seeing a picture first. I’m bored and living dangerously in Santa Barbara. I subscribe to the girl’s-gotta-drink rule, so meeting for a coffee is the easiest date out there. Barney was too late to buy my…
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There is your garden-variety texting. Then we have drexting: driving and texting (or is that drunk texting?). Now I’d like to add whexting, whacking off and texting, to the urban mobile lexicon. 310-xxx-xxxx: I know u dont remember me and you dont have to txt me back i just wanted apologize. i always had a…
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I know I’ve threatened to stop dating. Instead, I added to my arsenal of vibrators. And I know the definition of crazy, yet I still repeat the same behavior. Now I’m seriously considering my friends’ advice: it has to be dating in California. It’s been another banner month of dating in Santa Barbara as I…
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Zipping a dress. Helping with a necklace clasp. Reaching the top shelf. As a single woman, these are some of the things I need help with around the house. This was a banner week for special requests from men. A let’s-just-be-friends male invited me to dinner. While we are highly compatible, I assume men with…
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Safety first
▶︎“I’ve been quoting you all week,” a girlfriend told me when she saw me tonight. I say a lot, but I’m not sure if it’s worth repeating most of the time. The week before we were walking home from a few galleries and noticed two hoodie-wearing cholo gangster types were walking a little too close. …
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My first 90 days in Santa Barbara are complete and I can say, I’ve survived. If my blog is going to continue with nonfiction observations and intermittent dating stories, I may not have much material to work with. Or I need to step up my game. Like most relationships, I go in with no expectations…