Don't Mince Words


There’s cow on the conveyor belt

Posted on September 16, 2013 by Marna

The same day Kelly MacLean’s Surviving Whole Foods satire went viral, I found myself at Whole Foods enjoying a similar experience.

My basket was light by design.  I can’t afford the place, but I dabble in organic and raw and they do have great fresh fish.  I got raw organic almonds because I make my own almond milk (how new age of me).  The organic dates help flavor the almond milk, so I needed a couple of those.  Oh, look, a fish special, so I picked up some mahi.  Around the corner I grabbed sprouted corn torillas for the fish tacos it appeared I’d be making.  And “they” say you should eat sprounted.  My impulse item of the night was not grazing off the olive bar.  I picked up a pack of frozen marrow bones for Dixie.  They are like savory cheesecake to her.

While checking out, the express lane boy was scanning and got to the marrow bones.  “Oh, what are you going to do with these?” he asked.  I wondered if he would of asked me the same question if it were a box of free-range, cruelty-free cotton tampons.  “Those are a treat for my dog,” I replied.  “OK, cool,” he said as he topped of my reuseable bag.

I accepted the charges, told him to have a nice night and said “Namaste.”  I just couldn’t resist.

1 to “There’s cow on the conveyor belt”

  1. rachael says:

    I would have gone back for the tampoons and busted his balls. I’m sorry when did it become sinfull to eat meat? LA is a joke when it comes to this. I thought it was a choice. As in we live in america where we still have a chioce for the next 10 seconds before Obamam claims himslef God again and we need be his followwers. It’s what we as a life form survive on. My dogs all eat meat, RAW meat. Do they need to be punishished for eating what is best for them?



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  • About Marna

    Marna’s writing career started as a Pentagon intern. Early exposure to $500 toilet seat press releases made her appreciate creative nonfiction. Now she has more than 25 years of senior-level marketing and communications success working with Fortune 100 companies, government, nonprofits, small businesses, startups, and agencies.

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