Dont Mince Words

When a brewpub opened called The Answer, I had to go. I strategically scheduled an offsite meeting with my graphic designer at 4:30 p.m. to check out the 30+ taps. After a month on the job, we still had to finalize our corporate world domination plans.

I believe I was on beer number three when a man came up to to our backs at the bar and introduced himself with “I had to come over here to see the only two pretty ladies in the bar who can last two hours drinking beer.”  He obviously did not go to college with me or know my passion for the beverage.

I guess I need to update my online dating profiles with “can drink beer a long time.”  Who knew that was attractive?

My biggest fear when I moved to Virginia in the winter was exercise.  I know, I know. But in Santa Barbara and Los Angeles I did a lot of walking and hiking. To move and immediately get hit with single-digit temps was scary.

Five additional pounds later and I developed a solution based on my age and physical capabilities. Your Layoff Lady of Leisure / Heiress bought an elliptical trainer. I created a home gym in my second bedroom. I hate going to gyms and this is the only piece of equipment I’ve always loved. In a week, my FitBit tells me I’ve gone 45 miles and shed 2.5 pounds. I credit new sneakers and a reduction in my Cougar Town-sized glasses of wine (except when it snows).

I’m not sure what you are supposed to do when you inherit money, but I know my mom, who has told me to lose weight my whole life, would have approved of this purchase. Giving up excesss volumes of wine? She’d question that.

The scariest thing a woman has to do in a new town is find a hairdresser. It is even harder when you have wavy or curly hair. There’s an art to it. Thanks to Yelp, I found a hairdresser that could deal with me and impart wisdom at the same time.

Kate went to my college and left Richmond just like me. She ended up in Seattle, but eventually came back. She liked the health-conscious aspects of west coast living. What drove her away?  No sarcasm.

“What is it with those people? They just can’t handle sarcasm.” she asked.  I laughed and told her I had the same experience. My solution was to avoid the natives and befriend people from Texas and the east coast. I told her about my first Los Angeles boyfriend who asked me, politely, to stop using sarcasm because he couldn’t keep up and respond to me appropriately.  “You dumped his ass, right?” Kate asked.  Oh yes I did.  From there on out, when online dating, I remembered to ask the important “where did you grow up” question.

So when people ask “you left California to come back here” I can honestly put the lack of sarcasm at the top of the reason list, just above cost of living. I’m home.