Dont Mince Words

I rushed back from a quick weekend with an old girlfriend to have a date. With Dixie in the car and my luggage in the trunk, I went to Panera for my second date of the year. Or at least it was my second date of the year at the same Panera (their choice, not mine).

Hibiscus tea in hand, I learned Jim was really boring in person. After I got over his overly belted mom jeans, bright white sneakers, and comb-over side part, I realized I could never open my mind to the possibilities because he didn’t drink. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I had lots of friends of Bill when I live in Los Angeles. But he doesn’t “get” beer and believes Richmond Beer Lovers must be comprised of alcoholics. I like to think of us as beer foodies. The other thing I’ll never understand are men who are 50 who aren’t sure if they want kids. Seriously. Like you really want to be Medicare age when you are trying to pack a kid up for college? I feel sorry for that kid and your annuities.

I quickly wrapped it up as another dating adventure and returned to the car where I was greeted with a wag and a smile. Better luck next year.

Yeah, I want a man that cannot string together a sentence.

Hello gorgeous whoa what a beautiful day,you looking sweet and outstanding am sorry for my bad manners but your beauty just took away my heart beats. how come you looking so pretty and lovely good looking , i will like to know you more better .

49, Washington, D.C.

Another fine 10 percent match brought to me by OK Cupid at 4:20 a.m.

I’m relatively tall, so finding available tall, age-appropriate men is a challenge and it has been for decades. I was blasted with “height discrimination” responses when my LA Times piece ran. Now I’m a decade older and a half-inch shorter. I have relaxed my standards on a case-by-case basis and I continue to not learn from my prior lessons.

I recently had a date with a guy whose profile stated he was 5’10”.  When we lined up a lunch date, he texted to let me know he was 5’9” and had a golf shirt on.  I changed out of my heels and put flats on.  When I met him at the hostess station, we did not see eye-to-eye. I had a nice view of the top of his head.

A man can lie about his cock size because chances are we’re never gonna get that far for me to validate . But height?  Come on. Lying just shows a lack of confidence. And don’t say I discriminate. My last boyfriend in Los Angeles was 5’5” and he was smart and confident and honest about his height.  Could we have been a successful long-term relationship?  No, because I’m long-waisted and sex with short people creates a bit of a fit problem.  I’m like a surf board with toothpick-length legs. The best way to explain the physics is to say short people can kiss my bellybutton.  They are so far down there I feel like I need a megaphone and a playbook to communicate.

Get the visual?  It just doesn’t work.  But it’s been a lot of trial and error for me to learn this.  It’s not that I like tall guys as much as I need tall guys.

But that’s not the real problem.

Inventory is the real problem. The shortage is due to my short girlfriends who insist they need to date guys over six-feet tall.  Why?  If you are 5’1” – 5’4” do you really need all those extra, wasted inches?

With heels and hair that really leaves me nothing…except the men that lie.