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You know, I’m so thankful that Al Gore invented the internet and that I have this blog to publicly air my successes and grievances. You know what else this blog has done for me? It’s put the fear of Goddess in every man that comes in contact with me. What’s so different about a blog?…
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I’m going to be balls-out bold and state my usual Harry Met Sally position: Ex’s are ex’s for a reason. If I wanted to be your buddy, we’d probably still be dating. Yes, I’m great, get over it. Move on with your life. Send me a Christmas card and tell me all about it. R___,…
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I’m not doing a list or a year-end review. I know better than to speculate what the future holds for me. I did learn one important lesson this year. My vibrator takes rechargable batteries. Why didn’t I think of this before? Why? I used to proudly walk into Costco to get my 48 double packs.…
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The first time I went to the bathroom to change my tampon, I noticed there was a window. I pulled back the curtain. The window was painted shut and there were security bars. Nope, there was no easy way of escaping this date. I’d have to hang-in there until closing time. Chris found me online…
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This morning I got up to go to a four hour seminar conducted by Dr. Pat Allen entitled “The Art of Love.” When I turned my car radio on, “Ain’t talking about love” by Van Halen was on the radio. Coincidence? This 69 year-old cognitive psychologist also believes that feminism has backfired on us as…
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The end of this week marks my four month anniversary in California. Friends back East continue to ask me about the differences of living out here. I’ve made some casual observances in previous blogs, but here are my overall impressions: Personal Grooming – I realized a few months ago that the only time I have…
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Here’s some math to ponder: in another 10 days I’ll be ovulating. If I were to get knocked up, I’d have a baby summer 2004. Baby Bungie would graduate from high school when I’m 56 years old. To the best of my knowledge, unless you produce a child star or a prodigy of some sort,…
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Cucamonga
▶︎The first time I heard the word cucamonga, I believe I was in third grade and it was a derogatory term of unknown origin or meaning. Nearly 31 years later, I heard the word again, except it was Rancho Cucamonga and the area was on fire. On Friday, October 24th, my Venice skies became yellow,…
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He was bent over the pool table when I first noticed him…a nice ad for jeans. I turned and resumed drinking my beer with Anne. We had one mission that evening and that was to get her pickled before her redeye flight out of LAX to go back east. Anne was sticking to plan when…
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If we were to judge our nation by the type of spam emails we receive, what would we learn? A 48-hour analysis of my inbox spam reveals that Americans love drugs that begin with the letter V. If you drill down farther, we are a nation in pain and we can’t get it up. Valium.…
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I’m back on the subject of LA and cars, but before we go there, let me immediately digress. I had the usual, traditional conflicted childhood. I was an individual who was different and didn’t blend in and yet I wanted to be like everyone else. And I didn’t. My parents’ delivered the usual fucked-up conflicted…
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I encountered an action today that was so innocent and so unfamiliar to me, that I obsessed a day about it. I went on a movie date tonight with a guy who asked, “May I put my arm around you?” What the fuck? I barely watched the movie because I was doing a lifetime of…
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If you have seen Steve Martin in “LA Story,” you’ve seen all the LA clichés come alive. Four cars. Four stop signs. All the drivers are courteous and wave each other on. There appears to be a rhythm to these intersections. Up until today, I operated under the assumption that the first person stopped at…
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Today I went to a housewarming party of a friend from Virginia. I met a nice group of normal, adult people, but I had a few interesting observations. Like most metropolitan areas, I am finding it hard to find anyone FROM California. (Kind of makes you wonder how things got so weird out here and…
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Nice produce
▶︎I lived in New York a little less than four years. In that time, I learned to conserve going to the grocery store, even when I had a car. The less you buy, the less you have to haul upstairs. Endless, affordable restaurant selections make the decision to eat out that much easier. A four-…
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Anyone who knows me know there’s always a story in my life. Some things do not go right. I’m like that Peanuts character with the cloud swirling overhead. Everything about this relocation was going too smoothly. I was suspicious. Was Karma finally on my side, or was the unexpected just around the corner? I left…