Dont Mince Words

When a brewpub opened called The Answer, I had to go. I strategically scheduled an offsite meeting with my graphic designer at 4:30 p.m. to check out the 30+ taps. After a month on the job, we still had to finalize our corporate world domination plans.

I believe I was on beer number three when a man came up to to our backs at the bar and introduced himself with “I had to come over here to see the only two pretty ladies in the bar who can last two hours drinking beer.”  He obviously did not go to college with me or know my passion for the beverage.

I guess I need to update my online dating profiles with “can drink beer a long time.”  Who knew that was attractive?

Yeah, I want a man that cannot string together a sentence.

Hello gorgeous whoa what a beautiful day,you looking sweet and outstanding am sorry for my bad manners but your beauty just took away my heart beats. how come you looking so pretty and lovely good looking , i will like to know you more better .

49, Washington, D.C.

Another fine 10 percent match brought to me by OK Cupid at 4:20 a.m.

I’m relatively tall, so finding available tall, age-appropriate men is a challenge and it has been for decades. I was blasted with “height discrimination” responses when my LA Times piece ran. Now I’m a decade older and a half-inch shorter. I have relaxed my standards on a case-by-case basis and I continue to not learn from my prior lessons.

I recently had a date with a guy whose profile stated he was 5’10”.  When we lined up a lunch date, he texted to let me know he was 5’9” and had a golf shirt on.  I changed out of my heels and put flats on.  When I met him at the hostess station, we did not see eye-to-eye. I had a nice view of the top of his head.

A man can lie about his cock size because chances are we’re never gonna get that far for me to validate . But height?  Come on. Lying just shows a lack of confidence. And don’t say I discriminate. My last boyfriend in Los Angeles was 5’5” and he was smart and confident and honest about his height.  Could we have been a successful long-term relationship?  No, because I’m long-waisted and sex with short people creates a bit of a fit problem.  I’m like a surf board with toothpick-length legs. The best way to explain the physics is to say short people can kiss my bellybutton.  They are so far down there I feel like I need a megaphone and a playbook to communicate.

Get the visual?  It just doesn’t work.  But it’s been a lot of trial and error for me to learn this.  It’s not that I like tall guys as much as I need tall guys.

But that’s not the real problem.

Inventory is the real problem. The shortage is due to my short girlfriends who insist they need to date guys over six-feet tall.  Why?  If you are 5’1” – 5’4” do you really need all those extra, wasted inches?

With heels and hair that really leaves me nothing…except the men that lie.