Dont Mince Words

While connecting in the Charlotte airport on my way back to LA, I heard the recorded announcement, “if you see unattended luggage or suspicious packages, please contact a law enforcement official.”

When I realized where I was, I had a panic attack.

The cop I turned in to NYPD IAD is supposedly a federal marshal in Charlotte now. The thought of being in the same area code as him sent me running to the bathroom with dry heavs.

I walked to my gate looking over my shoulder and wondering if he had read flight manifests. Did he know I was there?

Will I be scared the rest of my life?

Los Angeles isn’t normal. My dates are usually abnormal. So when I finally found a normal guy, it’s only natural that the date take an unusual turn.

We clicked in email and on the phone, so phase three – the meeting – was booked. The chemistry was almost immediate as we sipped our green teas outside of Borders. Everything was great until management decided the homeless guy resting a few tables from us was a nuisance.

The cop walked up to the homeless guy and asked him to move on. He didn’t want to. The cop asked a few more times and voices got louder.

He asked me, “Do you want to move?”

“And miss the free show? Are you kidding? This is better than COPS!” I replied watching the cop tap the homeless guy with his baton.

We continued chatting and I gazed over at the officer trying to do his removal job. Back up was called and when the homeless guy reached into his pocket, it was all over. Mace was in the air and the homeless guy was horizontal. He left with the backup to enjoy his new seat in the rear of the police cruiser.

All was returning to normal when the corporal on duty walked up to us.

“I’m sorry to bother you, but did you witness this?” We nodded. “I’m going to have to get your contact information,” he asked.

“Oh man, this is our first date,” I said laughing.

The corporal returned a few minutes later and said he needed to interview us separately to document there was no police brutality. I walked over with the corporal and left my date to finish his tea and check his Blackberry.

“Is everything going OK on the date? If not, I can take you to the station and you can get away easy,” the corporal asked.

“No, no. It’s great. We’re having a nice time. I like him,” I said.

“Well, he should like you. You look and smell great,” the corporal added.

I laughed and continued to detail the transaction with the homeless guy. When we finished, we went back to the table, the corporal interviewed my date and finished by thanking us for helping out.

Despite all the action, this was the most normal first date I’ve had since arriving in LA. When he stared into my eyes and asked me for a second date, it felt even more normal. He didn’t have to consult his life coach. He didn’t have to wait for Mercury to get out of retrograde. He didn’t have to dust off a Ouija board.

He knew what he wanted and so did I – an opportunity to have more fun with someone of higher intelligence and extraordinary wit. He walked me to my car and kissed me goodbye. I drove away with a smile on my face.

That’s unusual.