Dont Mince Words

The scariest thing a woman has to do in a new town is find a hairdresser. It is even harder when you have wavy or curly hair. There’s an art to it. Thanks to Yelp, I found a hairdresser that could deal with me and impart wisdom at the same time.

Kate went to my college and left Richmond just like me. She ended up in Seattle, but eventually came back. She liked the health-conscious aspects of west coast living. What drove her away?  No sarcasm.

“What is it with those people? They just can’t handle sarcasm.” she asked.  I laughed and told her I had the same experience. My solution was to avoid the natives and befriend people from Texas and the east coast. I told her about my first Los Angeles boyfriend who asked me, politely, to stop using sarcasm because he couldn’t keep up and respond to me appropriately.  “You dumped his ass, right?” Kate asked.  Oh yes I did.  From there on out, when online dating, I remembered to ask the important “where did you grow up” question.

So when people ask “you left California to come back here” I can honestly put the lack of sarcasm at the top of the reason list, just above cost of living. I’m home.

I’ve been in Los Angeles four years. It’s hard to believe my stay has exceeded my time in New York. My LA Story isn’t filled without a few ironies:

Tan lines: For the past two years, I’ve had a vitamin d deficiency.
Body image: I’ve had fewer dates since I’ve lost 120 pounds.

Last night, I was at a special event in the New York section of the Paramount lot. While I was eating sushi on Delancey, my girlfriend asked me if I missed New York. For the first time, without hesitating, I was able to say, “No. I miss my friends, but I have friends all over the U.S. I miss.”

Besides, LA is filled with just as many soulless assholes as New York. Today my heart swings.