Dont Mince Words

“Change your criteria and open yourself up to something different. I would of never met my husband if I hadn’t,” said a coworker. So I did. And I went on a date with a 66 year-old man from Tinder. The conversation was great so I decided I could do this. 

For our second date, he came to pick me up and brought me flowers. It was a sweet gesture but I just couldn’t get past the fact he had one of those old man beret/caps on. If I was going to date someone older, I had to get used to these things. He took me to a friend’s retirement party where I meet his sisters who had already heard so much about me. 

There were many more dates where I tried to convince myself I could do this, but in the end I cut it off because of music. He was a folk-loving boomer who had not listened to anything after The Beatles. He wanted to control what we listened to at home and in the car. If you aren’t open to trying new things you are probably set in your ways and you are not for me. 

While it was a good experiment, I said goodbye to Hank and deleted my Tinder account.

On average, there are about 15-18 available guys for me in Richmond on just about any dating site. My simple criteria is 47-57, within 25 miles, bachelor’s degree, and divorced with grown kids. Those numbers go up a little on Tinder primarily due to the truckers on I-95 and the pilots at the airport. So, when someone says “I’ve got a guy I think you should meet,” my general response is “ah, are you sure?”

My neighbors, Judy and David, met a guy at a dinner party and invited him over to the Union Market anniversary party. I didn’t end up making it to Union, but the guy did and they got to know him better.

“Marna, Everett was pretty cool, you really should of come,” they said.

“Wait a second. Did you say Everett?  Was he a short, skinny, black guy with glasses? Probably told you a story about almost going to law school?”

“Yeah, why?” they asked.

“That’s my ex-husband’s best friend,” I explained.

Judy and David have lived in Richmond two years and do not quite understand the “smallness” of the city, especially when it comes to single men older than 50. David began texting Everett to confirm all this. Yes, he’s from Madison Heights. Yes, he knows Marna.

“God, I know I’ve been married for more than 20 years, but it is that bad out there, isn’t it?” Judy said.

Yes, it still is.

You would think, at a certain age, men and women would figure out dating.

When Andy said he wanted to be exclusive, but his actions said otherwise, I didn’t hear from him and he never heard from me. Mutual ghosting. However, this is Richmond and the pool is small, so I figured he would circle back around.

He contacted me two months later through OKCupid inbox and asked if I’d like to go out. I told him I didn’t think, based on his actions, he was looking for a monogamous relationship which countered what he told me he wanted.

“I NEVER said I wanted to be exclusive,” he said.

“You did, actually, on Valentine’s Day. We had a pretty in-depth conversation about life and STDs. We don’t appear to want the same things now, so I wish you the best in your search,” I told him.

Was that the end of Andy?  No. Another two month cycle elapsed and he contacted me with a new screen name.

“Hey, you want to hook up?” he asked.

While no means no, when are 50 year old men going to realize that if I wanted a hookup, it would be with a hot, buff 30-something with a cougar complex.

NEXT.