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Archive for the ‘Dating’


A tale of two musicians 0

Posted on May 24, 2009 by Marna

Los Angeles is full of creative people, so it was only a matter of time before I’d have a date with a musician. Who knew it would be a doubleheader. I’ve dated musicians before, but they’ve had day jobs which puts them in the frustrated artist category. These guys were “real” musicians.

Friday night was a 40-something artist that sang and played numerous instruments. He was from the south and still had the accent. That made him even more endearing until he handed me his CD and told me he’d be on the road in a few weeks. I’m never sure if that is ego or an invitation to be a panty-throwing roadie. As I was half-way through my Moscow mule, Friday requested to read my palm.

“Your life line doesn’t look right. You need a liver cleanse,” he told me. No, I just needed to finish my half-empty glass and self-cleanse.

As he continued to dominate the conversation, I prepared my exit speech. Thanks, I don’t need another. It was nice meeting you.

Saturday’s date was with a slightly shy 31 year-old composer/producer. After nearly a month of e-courting, he nutted up and asked to meet me. By the time I had finished my second beer, I managed to wow him with the theatrical merits of Beerfest versus Pineapple Express. He thought I was a genius. I knew I was just appealing to my demographic and it was a struggle. This cougar thing is tough work.

As a writer, I have a strong appreciation for the creative mind. However, in the dating world I still need to find my happy medium between crazy artist and humble CPA.

Driven to screw 0

Posted on May 02, 2009 by Marna

A close girlfriend got out of a 2.5 year fakelationship and nearly immediately got back to the online dating business with some mildly successful results. I found her get-back-on-the-horse determination inspiring enough to return to the game also. My out-of-the-gate experience left a friend in New York saying, “can you move to San Francisco? Even with the gays, it has to be better dating there.”

I have a dog for companionship and a vibrator for sanity, so dating in Los Angeles is becoming more difficult to do the older I get. I make it very clear with my prospects that I’m not looking for anything casual and really want to make sure there is chemistry and good friendship long before the cock meets the vag. Fucktard said he understood.

We had two great dates with good, engaging conversation in addition to some obvious attraction. However, a day later, he was screwing a stranger. He sent me a morning-after confessional email stating he had made a “mistake” the night before and he felt “horrible” and was “scared shitless and confused.” It was clearly an open and shut case of Jewish guilt meets undefined needs. The one thing he did get right is I deserve better.

One day I’ll meet a man in LA who knows what he wants and it is consistent… from day-to-day and week-to-week. But I have to say, this is the first time I’ve meet a man who was so intimidated by me that he broke his 14-month celibacy and fucked a stranger 24 hours after our second date. Yes, this is one for the LA record books.

The doctor is still in 0

Posted on February 12, 2009 by Marna

Since I’ve been dating GC for a while, I haven’t been able to say my favorite four-lettered word, N-E-X-T. However, that hasn’t stopped my girlfriends from calling to seek advice or validation from me.

Linda called me yesterday laughing about Fire Marshall Bill troubles. It seems he has been playing the field and one of his girlfriends hacked into his cellphone and texted Linda. The girls compared notes and quickly discovered they were victims of dating fraud.

“Next,” I told Linda.

Next turned into us instantly inventing a “Cry me a river of lies” DoucheBag doll with a pull string that can recite 20-40 cliché man excuses. “She’s just a friend.” “I was on the phone with my mom.” “I’ve got to go out of town for while.” And my favorite, “I’m still living with my wife so I can save money for a divorce.”

Mary called tonight to verify first date protocols. The meeting is tomorrow and the guy hasn’t called to confirm time or place. “Tomorrow, if he calls I’m just not going to answer my phone,” she decided.

I told her a more effective approach would be to tell him she made other plans when she didn’t hear from him. My other plans usually involved my dog and Netflix, or researching a new vibrator attachment, but the last minute lack-of-plan slackass never needed to know that.

So, it’s refreshing to know I’m still the voice of dating reason while He’s Just Not That Into You is number one at the box office.

  • About Marna

    Marna’s writing career started as a Pentagon intern. Early exposure to $500 toilet seat press releases made her appreciate creative nonfiction. Now she has more than 25 years of senior-level marketing and communications success working with Fortune 100 companies, government, nonprofits, small businesses, startups, and agencies.

    Stats: 378 Posts, 132 Comments

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