Dont Mince Words

I suppose, next to hookers, I’m one of the few people that makes dating a worthwhile endeavor. I approach it from a no-fear perspective. If a date goes well, I’m happy and I’ll have something to talk about. If a date is a train wreck, I’ll get some verbal and written rubbernecking out of the experience.

On Friday, July 16, 2004, I was issued another 15 minutes of fame by the Los Angeles Times (LAT) when they decided to publish a piece I wrote in 15 minutes about Craig’s List dating in LA. I originally submitted the piece to NPR’s “All Things Considered” and notified Craig Newmark that I was writing about his list. His response was, “Marna, thanks, I appreciate it, and good luck! (I could use it myself.)” I decided to submit it to the LAT because I wanted them to reject me so I could go skipping straight to the NY Times. What I didn’t know was this placement was a strategic LAT 1-2 punch. Thursday’s Single in the City column was about wonderful NY men. Friday my piece came out criticizing the angry, short men in LA. This ended up being a week of LA bashing in the newspaper.

I received a lot of e-mail as a result. Most of the mail was positive, but more short guys came out lambasting me for being so close-minded to not consider dating a short man. While I realize we are all the same height lying down, it’s those upright moments we have to live through. And, as tempting as it is to date a man who can run between my legs, look up, and provide oral sex on command, I really do like dating guys I can look in the eye without bending over. Yeah, I’m a real bitch for wanting that.

Root Cause Analysis: Why are all the short guys angry? I have finally figured it out and it made me mad too. Short women like dating tall men. That means these women are cutting into my dating pool. That leaves nothing for me or the short guys. No wonder they e-hated me for wanting to date someone my own height. They really are left dangling out there alone.

I was going to subscribe all the negative napoleons to Tall Porn since they were so kind to write me and tell me what an excluding bitch I was. (Sorry, I’m not the Ellis Island of dating. I can’t let everyone in.) Then something magical happened. Dave Barry wrote me and told me I was funny. He’s 5’9”. If a short, famous funny guy can see the humor in my piece then my original hypothesis must be correct: The men of LA are too sensitive.

One of my short, male fans reminded me, “There are good men in LA. You just need a pick axe and night vision goggles to find them.”

Hi ho. Hi ho. Off to work I go.