Dont Mince Words

Yeah, I want a man that cannot string together a sentence.

Hello gorgeous whoa what a beautiful day,you looking sweet and outstanding am sorry for my bad manners but your beauty just took away my heart beats. how come you looking so pretty and lovely good looking , i will like to know you more better .

49, Washington, D.C.

Another fine 10 percent match brought to me by OK Cupid at 4:20 a.m.

I’m relatively tall, so finding available tall, age-appropriate men is a challenge and it has been for decades. I was blasted with “height discrimination” responses when my LA Times piece ran. Now I’m a decade older and a half-inch shorter. I have relaxed my standards on a case-by-case basis and I continue to not learn from my prior lessons.

I recently had a date with a guy whose profile stated he was 5’10”.  When we lined up a lunch date, he texted to let me know he was 5’9” and had a golf shirt on.  I changed out of my heels and put flats on.  When I met him at the hostess station, we did not see eye-to-eye. I had a nice view of the top of his head.

A man can lie about his cock size because chances are we’re never gonna get that far for me to validate . But height?  Come on. Lying just shows a lack of confidence. And don’t say I discriminate. My last boyfriend in Los Angeles was 5’5” and he was smart and confident and honest about his height.  Could we have been a successful long-term relationship?  No, because I’m long-waisted and sex with short people creates a bit of a fit problem.  I’m like a surf board with toothpick-length legs. The best way to explain the physics is to say short people can kiss my bellybutton.  They are so far down there I feel like I need a megaphone and a playbook to communicate.

Get the visual?  It just doesn’t work.  But it’s been a lot of trial and error for me to learn this.  It’s not that I like tall guys as much as I need tall guys.

But that’s not the real problem.

Inventory is the real problem. The shortage is due to my short girlfriends who insist they need to date guys over six-feet tall.  Why?  If you are 5’1” – 5’4” do you really need all those extra, wasted inches?

With heels and hair that really leaves me nothing…except the men that lie.

The question of children has come up a couple times in the last week.  I’ve been internet dating for almost 20 years. Finding a partner is hard enough; however, add offspring into the mix?  Kids are a huge responsibility and I like being carefree and, ah, irresponsible.

An unmarried friend from college in his 50’s asked me over lunch if I had any regret not having children.  He is still contemplating kids while dating a younger woman.  Without hesitation I replied, “No. When my girlfriends with kids envy my lifestyle, I know I made the right decision.”

Several days later a girlfriend and I were leaving a restaurant and two 50-something men at the bar stopped us to chat.  After names were exchanged, the next question from the panty-melting accented Irishman was “Do you have kids?”  I responded, “No, I have a 70 pound dog instead.”  He smiled and said I was very lucky.

I was sure I wasn’t ready to have kids in my 20’s.  My 30’s were consumed with my career.  Now I’m career-worn and older and happy with my decision to be Cool Aunt Marna and Miss Marna to my friends’ kids.  They all think I’m funny and as my nephew said “Aunt Marna isn’t like a normal adult is she?”

No, I’m childless by choice.  No regrets and a lot of fun along the way.

SAM TEXTS DRUNK BUT COOL AUNT MARNA