Dont Mince Words

I spent the first four years in Los Angeles dating voraciously, trying to make up for my career-first East coast days. I’m now a dog owner, which has kind of changed my outlook on dating. You are going to have to be better than my dog and my vibrator to get me out of the house.

That rule quickly changed on Thursday for the veep debate. I had a gentleman caller (GC) over for drink Palin Bingo. GC and I were re-introduced a few months ago by a mutual friend and have had a great time bitching about dating in LA, getting fit, writing, and everything in between. It was nice to have a man over. I didn’t have to leave my dog.

But Tex quickly established who was top dog when he crawled on to the sofa and pressed his nose up to GC’s hip. I was permitted to sit sideways beside the boys. After a few “mavericks” and “main streets,” Tex realized this guy was ok and he demoted himself down to his day bed on the floor. GC was approved.

Tex is the big brother I never had. He watches my back. Thankfully, he leaves the room when he hears the vibrator.

It’s Valentines Day and I’m living in Brooklyn with my girlfriend of two and one-half years. What should I do today? Pay attention to my girlfriend? Take her to brunch? Give her flowers? Make love to her?

Nah, I think I’ll call Marna. She knew me when I was commitment phobic…when I couldn’t introduce her as my girlfriend during three months of non-date dates…. I’m going to call her on Valentine’s Day.

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What a way to start Valentine’s Day, right? You know what kept me sane yesterday? My two good friends from the east coast and more recently from Phoenix drove in to visit me for the weekend. They came armed with flowers, chocolates, and a new vibrator.

We listened to my ex’s voice mail and laughed and headed straight to the Venice boardwalk where we enjoyed a liquid lunch followed by palm readings and Tarot cards. Our hippie prophets told us we are all going to find love this year. We’ve been hurt in the past, but our period of change is almost complete.

I hate the commercialization of 2/14 and the pressure and expectation second-guessing that goes on. Enjoy your friends. Enjoy your lover(s). Make the most of everyday no matter who you are with. Most of all, love like you have never been hurt before.

Look forward, not backwards. Then eat chocolate.

I’m not doing a list or a year-end review. I know better than to speculate what the future holds for me. I did learn one important lesson this year. My vibrator takes rechargable batteries.

Why didn’t I think of this before? Why? I used to proudly walk into Costco to get my 48 double packs. How many batteries could I burn through next month? I was like a frat boy building a beer can pyramid.

The landfills of America can now breathe a sigh of relief. Marna’s got a recharger and the light just turned green. Happy new year.