Tick tock, hurry up and drink
Tonight I had a date with a PhD-holding Angeleno who was in town for interivews. It was an exciting time because I haven’t had a date with a smart person my age in a very, very long time. As expected, the conversation flowed. The beer didn’t.
He requested that we meet at a pub, so I recommended a local microbrewery near his hotel. Imagine my horror when I walked up and he was drinking Budweiser. WTF. You are smart. Surely you can pick a fine local draft with better flavor. We continued to chatter and when he finished his first, the waitress asked if he’d like another. “No, I have to leave at 5,” he replied. Of course, I ordered a second brown ale and calimari because I’m a whore for draft beer and good bar food. And I thought, you know, this was a date.
At 4:55 p.m., he tossed a 20 dollar bill on the table and got up, hugged me, and said he had to get going to prep for his interviews. I thanked him and told him I was going to stay to finish my beer. I did that, checked my email, checked-in to Foursquare, and made sure the waitress was tipped. I then walked home in the other direction so I could walk by a few shops on State Street before closing.
Imagine my surprise when Mr. Interview Prep walked up behind me and passed me. No hi, no nothing. He had a fast stride and was walking like he was late. I followed him until he turned in to another bar. I’m all about maximizing time and speed dating, but if it had been me, I would of scheduled the dates farther apart and certainly found bars closer together.
Not so smart after all. But the Bud was the giveaway.
What the hell? Was he interviewing for a date? If so, I guess he didn’t get the position with you… missionary or otherwise. What a jerk.
I’m writing to express my gratitude. As an anthropologist, your blog has provided me with eight years of solid empirical evidence on the state of heterosexual relationships in America. As I will show in my upcoming paper, “Theoretical Underpinnings of the Mating Rituals and Sexual Behaviors of Urban American Unmarried Middle-Aged Women,” this data was instrumental in confirming my hypothesis: it’s better to be a lesbian. Thank you!