Dont Mince Words

The question of children has come up a couple times in the last week.  I’ve been internet dating for almost 20 years. Finding a partner is hard enough; however, add offspring into the mix?  Kids are a huge responsibility and I like being carefree and, ah, irresponsible.

An unmarried friend from college in his 50’s asked me over lunch if I had any regret not having children.  He is still contemplating kids while dating a younger woman.  Without hesitation I replied, “No. When my girlfriends with kids envy my lifestyle, I know I made the right decision.”

Several days later a girlfriend and I were leaving a restaurant and two 50-something men at the bar stopped us to chat.  After names were exchanged, the next question from the panty-melting accented Irishman was “Do you have kids?”  I responded, “No, I have a 70 pound dog instead.”  He smiled and said I was very lucky.

I was sure I wasn’t ready to have kids in my 20’s.  My 30’s were consumed with my career.  Now I’m career-worn and older and happy with my decision to be Cool Aunt Marna and Miss Marna to my friends’ kids.  They all think I’m funny and as my nephew said “Aunt Marna isn’t like a normal adult is she?”

No, I’m childless by choice.  No regrets and a lot of fun along the way.

SAM TEXTS DRUNK BUT COOL AUNT MARNA

For many today is a day scarier that watching a son get circumcised. More perplexing than knowing your daughter does drugs and more horrific than wondering if you should do anything for your partner for Valentine’s Day.

Mother’s day incites fear in most. What do you get the woman who says she has everything? Or is she the woman you can never please? Perhaps your mother is perfect, but a sampling of my friends’ opinions is probably statistically significant enough to back up the following hypothesis:

We all hate mother’s day.

One friend called her sister to find out where her mom was and discovered she was out. “Oh, good. I’ll call now and leave a message. I won’t have to actually talk to her.”

Another friend stated, “why do I have to acknowledge a woman who continues to provide me regular intervals of grief… at my age.”

“My mom is OK. I just wish she’d get a boyfriend so she would leave me alone,” said another friend.

Another friend declared he could probably become a professional hostage negotiator after his interchanges with his mother.

Many years ago I went to my father holding some of my babysitting money and asked him what we should get mom for mother’s day. His response was classic.

“I don’t know. She’s not my mother.”

That was the beginning of my age of enlightenment. Mother’s day never got easier after that.