Dont Mince Words

As the grumpy old lady of the internet, I have said I don’t have time for anything unless it is going to get me a job or get me laid. While Facebook has not yielded those results for me yet, it has lived up to the “social” part of marketing.

When I posted my status was “back to being single,” I had cocktail offers within minutes. Girlfriends wanted to console me, which I realized was just a really good excuse to drink.

“I made the decision to breakup with GC. Really, I’m fine,” I explained.

The next day, I had three different girlfriend dates and one offered setting me up with a new guy. I don’t know what to make of Facebook except it is another great communications channel I’ve loaded with very good friends.

The speed with which people reach out is equal to my relationship recovery time. What took me weeks and months to say before now took me days.

N-E-X-T.

I know this isn’t an LA-specific phenomenon, so I can’t blame it on California, but why do old, retired people insist on doing their errands on my time?

I realize they are the greatest generation, but what the fuck. Do they really need to be in the post office line at 8 a.m. with me when I’m trying to get to work and they are just killing time before Ellen comes on?

Oh, and here’s a good one. Rain. I think we can make a generalization that old people are bad and/or cautious drivers. Add a little rain in LA and you have a recipe for disaster. So why would old people come out in the rain to go to Trader Joe’s at 5:15 p.m. on a weekday only to shuffle around the store, hog the aisles with their carts, and stand in the 10 items or less lane. Seriously? Did the risk outweigh the benefits or did they come to Trader Joe’s to people watch?

Once again, aren’t they missing Ellen? Can’t they fill their voyeuristic needs at the senior center?

Social Security may be gone by the time I get to this age, but I promise, I SWEAR, I will do all my ordering online and if I can still drive, I’ll do it between 10 and 2.

I won $100 for one quarter in the office Super Bowl pool. I realize this is random and requires no knowledge of football, but it’s exciting to me all the same.

The last time I won something was at the state fair. The guy guessed my weight wrong and I got a stuffed animal. I may of won a dollar or two on scratch lottery tickets, but those aren’t as exciting.

Cash is so much better. Maybe I’m on a streak. Checking those Vegas packages right now…..