Dont Mince Words

I ran into The Schnauzer tonight on a walk home.  It has been nearly a year since we had our short-lived “relationship.”  He pulled over and asked me if I had time to talk or if I had to get home to “Dixie.”  That was impressive he remembered the dog’s name.  The last time I saw him, he yelled out a window “hey you.”

I chatted with him on the sidewalk where he pulled up his sweater and turned and said “look, I found someone to shave my back.”  My inner Meryl Streep don’t-laugh-at him said “wow, she’s a lucky girl.”  The practical side of me wondered if it was a Gilette product or something more functional by Black and Decker.

Whatever the case may be, he “misses” me and wants to go to dinner next week.  Since he’s 25 years younger than my last date, I may entertain the prospect.  Girl’s gotta eat.  Girl’s got no blog.

When I was signing my lease, the assistant, a lifetime native of Santa Barbara, warned me, “Whatever you do, just be nice to everyone.  Even ex-boyfriends.  This town is small.”  I realize this falls under The Golden Rule crap my parents taught me.

I haven’t seen The Schnauzer since the infamous hot tub/back shaving incident.  My Golden Rule is Out of Sight/Out of Mind because I just wasn’t that into him.  Hairy back aside (have you seen my thighs? I know about embracing heritage), when he admitted he had a porn addiction and thought beer was a waste of money, I knew he wasn’t the guy for me.  When he said he was conflicted because he wanted to marry a girl with little-to-no sexual history, I knew I wasn’t the girl for him.  Nice getting to know you, but we aren’t right for each other.

Next.

Imagine my surprise when I received a text message from The Schnauzer Friday, “Hi Marna, I saw you walking with your date yesterday.  Its OK I understand. I was hoping we could still be friends I thought you were interesting.”

I’m not sure where this communication is coming from since it’s been more than a month since his clipping.  I realize this is a small town, and I will be polite if I ever seen him squeezing the melons in Trader Joe’s, but I really don’t need another friend.

My friends have great communication skills.  And they don’t mince words.