Tag: Santa Barbara
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I love the smell of corrugate in the morning. I’m a bit of a professional mover. I save good boxes for future use. My move out of California has been flawless except for the stress Dixie has when she sees boxes and hears the squeal of the 3M packing tape. Driving across country with a…
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Did you hear that? It’s my labia clapping because I’m leaving Santa Barbara. My days in the land of college students and retirees are ending which means my dating life will come off life support. I can laugh about dating in Los Angeles, but Santa Barbara has been the worst experience in my adult life. …
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Anyone who has known me for more than two weeks knows I bitch about my lady parts. Usually it’s a nice dose of sexual inactivity complaints, but the majority of the debate is about my period and 37-year relationship with Procter & Gamble products. In the ’70s, male gyn’s generally felt the solution to long…
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It’s that most wonderful time of the year….when single men realize they are alone. Apparently when you combine that with home for the holidays, you have the formula for hot and horny. About six months ago I was contacted by “Jack” because he was considering taking a job in Santa Barbara. He was currently in…
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Dating in Los Angeles is hard. It’s hard all over. But I know it is difficult when a man I went out with and wrote about in 2004 is pursuing me again, unknowingly, in Santa Barbara. The difference is, while there has chronologically been eight years since our last date, his profile age is only…
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In the continuing de-evolution of real men, there are arguments that this phenomenon started in the ’70s when divorces increased and boys were raised by single mothers. OK, then what explains men in their ’60s that behave like… pussies. In my case, I’m going to blame it on California, again. I received a voice mail…
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When I was signing my lease, the assistant, a lifetime native of Santa Barbara, warned me, “Whatever you do, just be nice to everyone. Even ex-boyfriends. This town is small.” I realize this falls under The Golden Rule crap my parents taught me. I haven’t seen The Schnauzer since the infamous hot tub/back shaving incident. …
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I was recently told that I was living my own romantic comedy. Dot com-crash-to-Wall Street girl leaves New York for Los Angeles for personal growth. Discovers the emotionally unevolved, focuses on health, gets laid off more, and then moves to a small town where she has a job and a sensible romantic life. This is…