Don't Mince Words


More of the same

Posted on March 28, 2011 by Marna

I know I’ve threatened to stop dating.  Instead, I added to my arsenal of vibrators.  And I know the definition of crazy, yet I still repeat the same behavior.  Now I’m seriously considering my friends’ advice:  it has to be dating in California.

It’s been another banner month of dating in Santa Barbara as I continue to receive “be my friend” text messages from The Schnauzer.  This time around, I had a momentary twinge of hope when a 51 year-old mechanical engineer wanted to meet me for happy hour.  Several hours before, he backed out because he had to work late.  No biggie, so did I.  But he did stay in touch via text message and let me know he was bisexual.  Right.  With nothing to lose, I got more clarification.  He’s not the shut-your-eyes-and-pretend-the-blowjob-is-from-a woman kind of bi.  He likes getting his ass pumped from time to time.  If that wasn’t enough, he casually mentioned that he liked to dress in drag.  He sent me pictures and, yes, he’s prettier than me and has better legs.  It would be kind of cool to have a boyfriend I could share lipstick and Spanx with, but at the end of the day, I like my cock straight with no deviation.

Saturday I was stood up by a different 51 year-old who confirmed the date four hours prior.  No call, no text, no email, no show. The good news is I got two great glasses of wine in and became the tasting room’s Foursquare major.

I didn’t have to leave Los Angeles to encounter these kind of behaviors.  My short-term solution may be to get a bike.  That’s the only bi I’m going to let between my legs…until I pass a cute guy on the bike path and think, “I wonder if he’s straight?”

1 to “More of the same”

  1. Wow, now that is some craziness! If that happened to me, I would definitely think the universe was telling me to take a break from dating! And while I might for fun visit a drag show, I certainly don’t want it coming into my bedroom. But to each his(her) own. At least you found out early on. One of my grandmother’s husbands ended up having a male lover. In her words, “And that was the end of him!”



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  • About Marna

    Marna’s writing career started as a Pentagon intern. Early exposure to $500 toilet seat press releases made her appreciate creative nonfiction. Now she has more than 25 years of senior-level marketing and communications success working with Fortune 100 companies, government, nonprofits, small businesses, startups, and agencies.

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