Dont Mince Words

Today I salute you. Mr. Keep Calling Back.
(Mr. Keep Calling Back)
Armed with a cell phone, Marna’s number saved, you keep dialing.
(She’s not calling back)
Two months later, you are sure she’s still busy.
(Maybe she has a new job)
The first date was great.
(But she didn’t have a second beer)
The second date was better. You gave her a margarita and told her you couldn’t believe you were with her.
(She left to walk the dog)
A man can wait a long time for the right woman. A smart woman saves the phone number of the wrong man.
(You’re IDed dood)
So crack open an ice cold beer, Touchtone. ‘Cause we all know, you’ll never be #1 on her speed dial. She’s not calling back.
(Mr. Keep Calling Back)

I received a reminder that ex’s are ex’s for a reason. Circus boy called. He’s a guy I dated in New York before I moved to California. His most notable relationship error was leaving me at his family event to go help an ex-girlfriend who was “stranded” on the side of the road. We broke up and he left and joined the circus.

Seriously, the circus. Now you can say you know someone who was dumped for Ringling Brothers. Anyhow, five years later, I still receive random emails and calls from him which I don’t mind because I know he’s always good for material.

Today was no exception.

After the catch-up small talk, he told me he was engaged. This is not the first time in my life an ex- has called to basically say “look someone else likes me and maybe for a long time.” Congratulations. And you are calling me because…????

Because his wife-to-be, who sells cotton candy and concessions for the circus, is getting ready to launch a porn site and they wanted to enlist my marketing expertise. Yeah, I know, WTF?

“You know, I’m focusing on a job search right now and don’t have a lot of time for freelance. My best piece of advice would be to make sure the HTML copy is relevant so that you can pull rankings in organic search,” I said.

But the good times don’t end there. He announced they might be quitting the circus when it gets to Arizona so that they can go and live in Las Vegas. “I think that’s a smart choice for you two,” I said.

Let’s hope what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

I just had an ex- call me and tell me he loved me and he wanted to “correct this shit.” Stay tuned. He’s 3,000 miles away and we broke up 12 years ago.

. . .I can’t make this stuff up.