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I haven’t spoken to my mother in more than three years. Yes, I’m a Hater. Women who have joined my no-mother cult have experienced similar exhilaration and relief after radio silence. However, we all have our sound bites to dodge the mainstream how’s-your-family questions. Several days ago, I connected with a match.com guy who seemed…
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In LA, there’s a category of women I call “the meal hunters.” They date to eat. While a girl’s gotta eat, I’d rather stay home with unshaved legs and pop open a can of tunafish. I date to meet. Last night I had a first date with a man who suggested we go to dinner.…
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The X-Games
▶︎I’ve applied the three-strike-you-are-out rule to my dating. It really comes in handy. Annoying but overlooked first date habits can be re-evaluated prior to firing the potential boyfriend. That way, I am not in month three of the season realizing I recruited the wrong player. Spicoli admitted on our first date that he was unemployed.…
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In Los Angeles, we don’t make a move in our car without checking SigAlert. This useful website helps us plan around idiot drivers. What it doesn’t help with is the trouble we may find when we reach our destination. I agreed to drive to Long Beach for a first date tonight. Going 34 miles in…
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I retraced my steps trying to remember the exact moment I last touched my zipper. 7:30 p.m. I went to the bathroom after dinner. Prior to flush, I became mesmerized by one of the mirror-mirrors on the wall in the women’s room of Father’s Office. I guess I forgot to zip up, but I did…
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You know, I’m so thankful that Al Gore invented the internet and that I have this blog to publicly air my successes and grievances. You know what else this blog has done for me? It’s put the fear of Goddess in every man that comes in contact with me. What’s so different about a blog?…