Dont Mince Words

Ghost and hey boo 0

Posted on May 20, 2017 by Marna

You would think, at a certain age, men and women would figure out dating.

When Andy said he wanted to be exclusive, but his actions said otherwise, I didn’t hear from him and he never heard from me. Mutual ghosting. However, this is Richmond and the pool is small, so I figured he would circle back around.

He contacted me two months later through OKCupid inbox and asked if I’d like to go out. I told him I didn’t think, based on his actions, he was looking for a monogamous relationship which countered what he told me he wanted.

“I NEVER said I wanted to be exclusive,” he said.

“You did, actually, on Valentine’s Day. We had a pretty in-depth conversation about life and STDs. We don’t appear to want the same things now, so I wish you the best in your search,” I told him.

Was that the end of Andy?  No. Another two month cycle elapsed and he contacted me with a new screen name.

“Hey, you want to hook up?” he asked.

While no means no, when are 50 year old men going to realize that if I wanted a hookup, it would be with a hot, buff 30-something with a cougar complex.


Your one and only…not so much 0

Posted on March 20, 2017 by Marna

Andy and I never seemed to be able to connect. In the Fall, we met on Bumble then I guess we got distracted by the holidays. He resurfaced right after my birthday in January.

We hit it off on the phone and met for a drink. He seemed like a perfectly decent Mr. Right Now with growth potential. We were on date three or four when he asked me if I’d like to be exclusive. “I’m not interested in dating multiple people. It’s exhausting,” he admitted.

Great. Me either. So we had our dates. We talked about weekends away. We did couples shit.

Until. . .

Richmond is a small town. When you narrow it down to age-appropriate men, divorced, no kids in the house, educated, and tall, it’s a one-horse town. So, when I go out with someone, I always check in with my divorced girlfriend who also online dates to do an asshole check and to also ensure we don’t cross-pollinate. When I started dating Andy, I texted her with his online handle. She didn’t know him.

Imagine my surprise, a month into the relationship, when my girlfriend texted me to let me know TennisGuy423 was chatting her up. “What do you want me to do?” she asked. “Tell him Marna is home from CrossFit and he should call her.”

He immediately left the chat and, as you would imagine, I never heard from Andy again. I’m not sure what his operational definition of “exclusive” is. I’m just thankful I have good friends. The dating pool just got one man smaller, if you can call that a “man.”


Secrets told 0

Posted on December 26, 2016 by Marna

I am the family crypt keeper so, ever so often, I go up to Arlington National Cemetery to ensure my father hasn’t kicked the door off after the recent arrival of my mother. Today, the screws were still tight, so I did some holiday decorating and then had a flashback to the 1970s.

It was December and I was 10 years old. My mom grabbed me and said, “come on, we have to go somewhere.” We were in the 2000 block of Powhatan Street, almost to the Arlington County line, when I asked, “where are we going?”

“We’re going to Toys ‘R Us. I’m sure you know there’s really no Santa Claus, so you are going to pick out the toys you know your brother wants.”

So that year, I was like the wiseman bringing gifts to the baby Jesus, except instead of myrrh, it was Evil Knievel. Today, I’m decorating my parents’ grave on what my brother and I call Barbara in the Box Day/Boxing Day. She always enjoyed the 25th, but the 26, it was back to business writing thank you notes and cleaning our rooms. What we did on that day was never a secret.


  • About Marna

    Marna’s writing career started as a Pentagon intern. Early exposure to $500 toilet seat press releases made her appreciate creative nonfiction. Now she has more than 25 years of senior-level marketing and communications success working with Fortune 100 companies, government, nonprofits, small businesses, startups, and agencies.

    Stats: 373 Posts, 128 Comments

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