She minces no words.

Dont Mince Words

Unsafe at any age Comments Off on Unsafe at any age

Posted on May 29, 2007 by Marna

I never believed that whole “sexual prime” business until shortly after my 30th birthday. I was horny all the time. Insanely unfair hormone levels. It hasn’t stopped. I went out with two friends Saturday night that are +/- 50. There’s no end in sight. I’ve learned the older you get, the more you really don’t care if people know how truly horny you are.

The night began innocently enough. We saw Hitchcock’s Vertigo at the Hollywood Forever cemetery. As the movie was projected on to the columbarium wall, we drank wine and beer, picnicked, people watched and played the gay-or-straight? game. Jimmy Stewart fueled our fires. By the time the movie was over, we were on a man hunt.

We ended up closing the bar at Yamashiro, a restaurant in the hills overlooking greater Los Angeles. My final green tea martini gave me the balls to “assist” J with a note we were going to pass to a young kid on the way out. In my best, near-sober handwriting I wrote, “If you ever want to have fun with more than one” beside J’s phone number. We chickened out passing the note when we left because we were just too scary a force to be reckoned with, and there was no room for him in the car.

The solution was to go to In-N-Out on Sunset. At 2 a.m., we were, for sure, the three oldest broads in the place. J made friends with the prom kids behind us in line. They were sober. Then she flirted with the cashier who mumbled “I think I’m a little young for you, ma’am.” We cackled and walked over to the waiting area where K and I made eye contact with every man or boy who wasn’t in a prom tux.

In the car back to J’s place we all whined about getting laid. Surely we could be cougars to some lucky, little boys. We made culinary love to our fast food instead. K enjoyed her burger and fries. J had two bites and passed out watching Some like it hot. I remembered I was a vegetarian. I had two bites and figured out I couldn’t handle the whole thing. I ripped the patty out, licked the cheese off, then shoved the beef in my mouth. For something I had not had in more than a year, it was OK.

I like sex more.

Going home and sleeping alone is always worth it when you have a great girl’s night out. May the horniness and laughter never subside.

  • About Marna

    Marna’s writing career started as a Pentagon intern. Early exposure to $500 toilet seat press releases made her appreciate creative nonfiction. Now she has more than 25 years of senior-level marketing and communications success working with Fortune 100 companies, government, nonprofits, small businesses, startups, and agencies.

    Stats: 377 Posts, 132 Comments

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