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The V’s have it Comments Off on The V’s have it

Posted on October 05, 2003 by Marna

If we were to judge our nation by the type of spam emails we receive, what would we learn? A 48-hour analysis of my inbox spam reveals that Americans love drugs that begin with the letter V. If you drill down farther, we are a nation in pain and we can’t get it up.

Valium. Vicodin. Viagra.

I received 97 unsolicited emails in a 48-hour period this week. I don’t have an AOL, Hotmail, Yahoo, or another major internet service provider email account where you expect spam. The domain may sound like a German porn site, but it is a server in California that hosts for my brother and me (thus Bunger Our spam email has increased three-fold since the beginning of the year.

Last week, 40 percent of my spam was for prescription drugs, 18 percent was for mortgages and loans, and 13 percent was for software/hardware or consumer electronics. There are some interesting new categories of spam. Automotive devices to increase gas mileage are now popular. Those types of emails comprised five percent of my inbox spam. Our nation must also have issues with insurance judging by my inbox. Approximately five percent of my spam offers were for health or life insurance and only four percent were work-from-home offers.

The most disturbing statistic was sex site spams. Only eight percent of all my unsolicited email in 48-hour period was for sex sites. Remember when it seemed like all your spam subject likes were ‘girls girls girls’? That was back in the old days when Gore had just invented the internet. It looks like the V-drugs are pinching out the Vagina spam market now.

What can I change about this picture? If the drug companies made more affordable drugs, would I receive fewer V-spams? If we developed a national DO-NOT-SPAM list, would my inbox become uncluttered? Would I miss laughing daily at stupid subject lines with umlauts and miscellaneous characters designed to trick spam filters?

While I wait for the answers to these hard questions, I’m going to pop some pills to help me sleep. If I’m lucky, the Viagra I slipped my boyfriend should be kicking in any minute now and my home loan will be approved.

Act now while V-supplies last.

  • About Marna

    Marna’s writing career started as a Pentagon intern. Early exposure to $500 toilet seat press releases made her appreciate creative nonfiction. Now she has more than 25 years of senior-level marketing and communications success working with Fortune 100 companies, government, nonprofits, small businesses, startups, and agencies.

    Stats: 377 Posts, 132 Comments

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