Don't Mince Words


Girlie bender

Posted on May 15, 2012 by Marna

Brown, red, and blond camo for gray roots

When the going gets tough, the tough go girlie. It’s been nearly 18 months since I’ve seen a penis. The real, in-front-of-you kind, not the creepy ChatRoulette cyber ones. This has been the longest dry spell I’ve had since I gave it all up at senior prom. But as I get older, I seem to embrace the inactivity more. It is just easier to say no when you have a two-tiered entrance exam. (1) Is he worth shaving my legs for? If I answer yes, then we go to (2) Does he seem more fun than my dog? That answer has been No a few too many times which has driven me to new forms of attention: taking care of Number One.

In a four-day period recently, I had a serious pedicure (paraffin wax, callous sanding, etc..); I had my hair professionally colored; I bought new makeup and under eye/bag eye concealer; and I bought new perfume. Most women would agree, all of these things make us feel good. But it’s starting to get addicting. Right now I’m shopping Zappos and Bare Necessities while I try to book a wax appointment.

Hopefully I’ll snap out of this soon which will probably happen when I have to pay to get my roots done for a date that will turn out to be a waste of time. A girl can dream. Until then, I have dog walks, e-commerce, and a vibrator.

1 to “Girlie bender”

  1. Lynette says:

    Youre hysterical honey! Miss you!



Leave a Reply


  • About Marna

    Marna’s writing career started as a Pentagon intern. Early exposure to $500 toilet seat press releases made her appreciate creative nonfiction. Now she has more than 25 years of senior-level marketing and communications success working with Fortune 100 companies, government, nonprofits, small businesses, startups, and agencies.

    Stats: 369 Posts, 128 Comments

  • Recent Posts

  • Tag cloud

  • Old Posts



↑ Top