Dont Mince Words

In the mail on Monday, I received one of those friendly reminders from the local Honda dealership telling me that it was probably time to change oil.  I realized I didn’t come close to hitting their high mileage estimate.

I have become the little old lady of West Hollywood.  Being laid off, there are days my car doesn’t move.  When it does, it is usually to drive to happy hour to met my other laid off friends, or to give Tex a courtesy ride.  I’m averaging 300 miles per month.  That’s just crazy low mileage in this town.  And it is empirical evidence that I don’t have much of a life.

I changed that immediately by adding the FourSquare app to my iPod.  I realize I’m a hypocrite for advising clients to get involved with geolocation apps and not participating myself.  What I didn’t anticipate is the motivation FourSquare can provide to get out of the apartment.  I’ve got check-in’s all over my neighborhood and I am now the Mayor of my apartment building and I’ve been awarded an Adventurer badge because I get out a lot.   I know it is all bullshit, but it is like a Weight Watcher’s weigh-in.  It’s all the motivation I need to feel like I’m making a change in my life.

Today is four square day (4×4 = 16).  It’s like Pi day except the math is so much easier and there’s drinking involved.  Check-ins at The Standard get two-for-one drinks.  The Viper Room has more FourSquare specials:  no cover, cheap drinks, and PBR swag.

I have said many times I don’t do anything unless it gets me a job or gets me laid.  Right now, getting out of the apartment is the first step.

Check-in.  Check me out.

Tex in his favorite position

To say Tex is my favorite pet isn’t fair to those before him, but rescuing, fostering, and adopting him has been a true experience.  He is mellow and wise like Yoda. He makes me smile every day.  I wanted to return the favor and throw a party for his 12th birthday.

Getting people to West Hollywood is hard.  There are parking restrictions and club kids and it’s an overall pain the ass for outsiders.  My big idea was to have a Saturday afternoon party and make it a cookout.  I distributed the menu and Tex’ gift registry (steer pizzle bones, Happy Hips, and glucosimine tablets).  Approximately 30 friends and former coworkers came out to celebrate the wonder of Mr. T and enjoy bratwursts, peach sangria, and a “dog” iTunes playlist.

Outside of his former adoption fairs, I’ve never seen Tex with this large a crowd.  He worked it like a whore at a convention.  Outside he’d observe the grill say hi to a few people and then collapse in the driveway where everyone gave him belly rubs.  Inside he paced the buffet table and made friends with messy kids.  Once in a while he’d walk over to his gift bag area and survey his goodies.  But the biggest accomplishment was Tex was awake for five hours.  This dog loves his sleep, but if there is food and people around, he can’t help himself.  He had plenty of opportunities to sneak off to the bedroom and take a disco nap, but he hung in until the last guest left, THEN he climbed into his bed and started snoring 30 seconds later.

Tex in his other favorite position

I realize getting a pet is buying in to a future tragedy.  Adopting an old dog can feel like pure insanity.  If this is insanity, then I like it.  I joke that Tex is my longest of long-term relationships.  I’ve done crazy.  I’ll take old dog any day.

Happy Birthday!

Tonight the game was roulette and I was betting on odd.  I finally worked up the courage to try Chat Roulette.  Since I’ve had my share of creepy, weird guys, what are a few more?

Let’s not forget that I am the old lady of the internet.  I walked up hill both ways in the snow to check my 14.4 modem.  I cut my teeth in AOL chat rooms and I’ve thrived in VoIP avatar communities with full voice duplexing.

I lasted 10 minutes only due to the fact that last guy I was randomly connected with had his clothes on and he was from Iowa.  He told me he has to click through dozens of dicks before he gets a chick.  I saw that pattern immediately.  There’s lots and lots of cock on Chat Roulette.  This may be a new internet age, but the same offline rules apply.  Don’t act shocked and laugh.  They’ll get mad and move on.

Same as it ever was.  Odd.