She minces no words.

Dont Mince Words

I long to be blogged, she said Comments Off on I long to be blogged, she said

Posted on September 15, 2004 by Marna

I get so tickled when people find my life exciting. On the whole, it really isn’t that exciting….except if you are married. If you are married, you read my blog to affirm that being blissfully tied to another might be one notch above dating in LA in your 30’s.

Tonight Lauren, my absolute favorite lesbian, checked in on me. “Oh Bunger, I want to live heterovicariously through you. Dazzle me with a recent date story,” she requested. My former Brooklyn neighbor retreated to California two years before me. She’s a lot like me… open minded, direct, intelligent, and wickedly funny… except she eats pussy and I don’t.

But if I did, she’d be my first choice. Why? Because she has the coolest shoes and she’s the same size as me. If I were going to be a lesbian, it would be with Lauren because we could having engaging and hilarious conversations and trade shoes. I still covet her Doc Martins with red flames.

Alas, Lauren is one of those committed lesbians. She’s now in a domestic partnership with a lovely woman who can’t fit into her shoes. She found love in less than a year in California. Bitch. But that’s the Bay area for you.

I remain in LA where I can’t swing a dead cat with out hitting dysfunction ripe for mocking which continues to fuel my blog. Well, all you happily married folks, keep on reading.

Lauren, this blog’s for you, babe. You are a tremendous friend and relationship role model. If I ever decide I need to change teams, I’ve got your number. Now excuse me while I recharge my batteries.

  • About Marna

    Marna’s writing career started as a Pentagon intern. Early exposure to $500 toilet seat press releases made her appreciate creative nonfiction. Now she has more than 25 years of senior-level marketing and communications success working with Fortune 100 companies, government, nonprofits, small businesses, startups, and agencies.

    Stats: 377 Posts, 132 Comments

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