Dont Mince Words

Ever since 9/11, I’ve been a little noise sensitive. Hearing the clack of metal plates banging on a street, firecrackers, or any other unexpected noise sends my heart racing.

I live steps away from a one-way street. Drivers often miss the light and hit cross traffic. I’m getting used to that noise. It just happened again. Squealing breaks, then the horn, then the bang. I stopped calmly folding laundry to go outside, not to look. I know, 9 out of 10 times, it’s some jackass on a phone that screwed up. No, I grabbed my business card and went outside in my Brooklyn sweatshirt to see if my parked car received any collateral damage.

My car was fine, but this time the innocent cross traffic car had been flipped. The corners of the intersection were littered with on-lookers. These are probably the same people that go to Ground Zero when they visit New York. Fuck them.

When I turned around to go back to my apartment, the sirens were near and the local news helicopter had already arrived.

I need to move.

If you have seen Steve Martin in “LA Story,” you’ve seen all the LA clichés come alive. Four cars. Four stop signs. All the drivers are courteous and wave each other on. There appears to be a rhythm to these intersections.

Up until today, I operated under the assumption that the first person stopped at the intersection would naturally go first and everyone else would wait their turn. That is usually the case UNLESS you encounter Scenario B which involves an IF/THEN math equation: IF a vehicle coasts through a four-way stop, THEN said vehicle has immediate right of way and that right of way supercedes the rights of the first stopped driver.

My New York horn skills combined with some Starsky and Hutch swerving resulted in me missing getting broadsided by a 1974 rust colored Chevy Impala station wagon filled with five Mexicans and two rakes. I cussed like a sailor for several minutes afterwards until my passenger told me, “Welcome to LA where traffic rules of native country supercede all logic.”

Now I understand the wave-on.