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Kung Fu grip Comments Off on Kung Fu grip

Posted on September 16, 2005 by Marna

As anyone with back pain will tell you, when you find relief it is as if the clouds parted and the angels sang. You remember what it is like to move again. And live.

My lower back has been tight since my episode in early July. My mobility was limited and I lived every day in fear of moving the wrong way and re-injuring myself. I felt old for the first time in my life.

One day I trolled the Internet for a Thai massage specialist in my area. I remember my friend’s husband got “fixed” by one session and I decided it couldn’t hurt – hopefully. I found the perfect guy – eastern influenced, teaches Kung fu, and he himself had suffered from sciatica.

I had met my match.

I exchanged an email and phone call with Perfect Guy who sounded like he could cure me with one session. That was a little hard to believe, but at this point, I’d pay a guy to touch me for an hour.

Perfect Guy ended up being too perfect in so many ways. He was about 6’3” and 215 pounds with nice salt and pepper hair. I lay down on the mat and he gave me 20 minutes of deep tissue to warm me up. I was feeling relief already when the worst thing possible could happen – I had a wicked nasty fart brewing in my belly. I spent the remaining 40 minutes so elated my lower back felt relief as I continued to clinch my butt checks. He bent me in positions I could only hope to achieve in yoga and worked out some L1 scar tissue.

When it was over, I felt like someone who had attended a revival. I felt no tightness. I was healed. Hallelujah. I was immediately overwhelmed with a bad case of Guru-itis. I wanted to dry hump Perfect Guy’s leg and be his follower. This was really an amazing massage that topped the relief I got from muscle relaxants. I left his Kung Fu studio farting with a big smile on my face.

He called the next day to see if everything was OK. “Well, you probably don’t need to see me again, but I’d be happy if you’d send me referrals,” he said. He called me again today because he was curious how I was feeling more than a week later. I thanked him again.

“Well watch yourself at the gym and see where you have problems and come back and we’ll focus on those specific areas,” he suggested.

Oh, I’m going back, there’s no doubt, but it will be on an empty stomach. I will find any excuse I can to see the Perfect Guy with Kung Fu grip again.

  • About Marna

    Marna’s writing career started as a Pentagon intern. Early exposure to $500 toilet seat press releases made her appreciate creative nonfiction. Now she has more than 25 years of senior-level marketing and communications success working with Fortune 100 companies, government, nonprofits, small businesses, startups, and agencies.

    Stats: 377 Posts, 132 Comments

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